Air Force Starts Using Highly Effective ‘Glitter Bomb’ Against Taliban B April 24, 2012 Air Force 14 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: BAGRAM AIRFIELD, AFGHANISTAN – The Air Force has released information regarding a new weapon in their arsenal: The MX784 Irritant Dispersant, or “Glitter Bomb” as it is known in the service, has arrived on the scene in Afghanistan to the applause of many troops. Colonel Stanley Roberts, a representative for the Air Force, explained what the bomb does over a phone interview. “The glitter bomb has been used effectively on a smaller scale basis for years. Even Newt Gingrich got a face full of one. We simply adapted this weapon to use on a much larger scale. It’s an airburst weapon, meaning it doesn’t hit the ground and impact, but explodes over head of the enemy. Once the bomb detonates, an area of approximately one square mile is coated in glitter.” But why glitter?, we asked. COL Roberts responded, “Honestly, I can’t think of anything more annoying than this type of warfare. It’s been extremely effective in every engagement. In each case, the Taliban fighters immediately committed suicide once hit with the MX784. Everyone hates glitter, well, except for the gays and Ke$ha. The main drawback is that the affected area has to be treated like a radioactive site, because that glitter is never coming off. ” While not prohibited under the Geneva Conventions, the Taliban has spoken out against the US saying the use of this weapon is a violation of human rights. Maktadar Al-Sabib, a spokesman for the Taliban, spoke in a video released to the web: “This is an absolute affront to humanity. This type of weapon cannot be allowed! It is not surprising that the barbarian Americans developed such a sinister device to use upon Allah’s people. My poor friends Ahmad and Abdullah both had glitter covered beards and man-jammies. Our revenge will be swift and just!” When asked about her view on the subject, Ke$ha was all for the use of the MX784. “I love glitter, and I think this is a great way to spread democracy to Afghanistan. Maybe everyone will learn to party and the war can end sooner rather than later.” The gays declined to comment. Don't miss the next story.Get the latest news and alerts from Duffel Blog delivered to your inbox—free. Short URL: http://duffelblog.com/ws4h9 Clay Cooper says: April 16, 2014 at 2:40 AM We could’ve added bacon bits Cooter McLeod says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM hahaha Kathy Godier says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM I love it, modern warfare at it’s best, lol. Kathy Godier says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM BTW, this is funny as hell. I love your story’s. Scott Durling says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM Awesome Idea, sparkle their asses back to the ’70! Taylor Prichard says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM Of course the Air Force would think of something like this. That would only make sense. Gabriel Palmer says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM Glitter = Democracy. ‘Nuff said. Geneva Hersom says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM That was hysterical! Why don’t you add some music to solidify such awesome show of force? The only hysterical song that comes to mind that would be so fitting for this glitter attack is that cheesy song from “Night at the Roxbury” movie What Is Love? by Haddaway. After all Will Ferrel and Chris Kattan played Yemeni brothers so, hey maybe the Taliban will bust out some moves like them and stop fighting….What it’s love? baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more….ROFLMAO! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2h4PhgobI8 Jason Mace says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM I’m suprised Ke$ha was sober enough to comment…haha. On a side note, I think it would be hilarious to see hundreds of Taliban covered in glitter and pissed off, but if their jingle trucks are any indication, they might actually like it. Scott Robinett says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM What scares me is that anyone can get access to this technology. I sure the Taliban are surfing the web for this stuff. http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Glitter-Bomb Peter Korman says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM An essential component of our armed forces’ “coming out” process. Mwah Non Amos says: February 25, 2014 at 11:54 PM I’ve been messing around with my own ‘GlitterBombs’, but mine involve glitter ‘enhanced” water-balloons. Things are progressing nicely….