Taliban Proposes ‘Call Ahead’ Night Raid Policy for U.S. Military

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Khost, Afghanistan – The Taliban has asked to join the negotiation of night raids after a recent agreement between the United States and Afghanistan was reached. The agreement between the two governments means that the U.S. must notify their Afghan counterparts if a night raid is to take place.

Now the Taliban wishes to take part, and they met with American officials recently near the city of Khost.

Any possible agreement with the Taliban will further provide the path to peace, according to Afghan and Taliban officials.

The Taliban has enthusiastically offered a “Call Ahead” program as an olive branch gesture to U.S. forces. Taliban spokesman Zabiullah Mujahid explains:

“We are trying to do our part in the peace process. You ask an Afghan court 72 hours before getting a warrant to knock down our door, we’re only asking 24 hours, tops, as a common courtesy. We’ll even put my cousin Mutassa on the computer in case you email.  Either way, we think this is more than reasonable for a head start…to peace.”



Afghan President Hamid Karzai was optimistic about a deal being reached.

“I think this is a great idea,” said Karzai, as he text-messaged the location of a high-level U.S. Diplomat to an insurgent leader. “It provides the Taliban a good compromise, and frankly, saves my government resources from being wasted by having to call them ourselves.”

When asked whether the Taliban might try to offer the bargain of ”Call Ahead” ambushes or IED attacks on U.S. forces, the Taliban spokeman was hesitant.

“That may be going a bit too far.”

Mujahid said that if the call ahead policy worked, the Taliban would also begin crafting “No Interrogation” and “Not the Face!” policies as further compromise. Mujahid remains confident the new policies will bring about a greater cooperation across the board.

“Think of the savings in bribes.  You guys seem so eager to lose, informing the leaking sieve of the Karzai government, so we figured why deal with the middle-man, right?”

There’s still no word on whether the deal could be expanded to cover CIA raids.

Tony

Tony is a soldier and veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan. Responsible for over 400 enemy kills, he has consistently "killed them with kindness".