CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A peaceful protest outside the main gate of Camp Pendleton has erupted into violence today as Marines and activists continue to spar over military terminology.
The protestors, from People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have been holding a protest near the base for more than a week against the use of the terms “Leatherneck” and “Wooly-Pully.”
A PETA spokesperson said the terms are offensive and “promote animal abuse.”
“These words that the Marines use are absolutely horrible,” said Jean Richards, a PETA activist. “We will not stand by and let these people continue to promote the killing of animals.”
Although no one understands how or why, the mild and peaceful protests soon escalated into chaos.
Private First Class Anthony Smith, a Marine Private currently attending the School of Infantry, reported that he was attacked while attempting to leave base. His t-shirt, which had “Leatherneck” written across the front, became a walking bullseye.
Luckily he was able to avoid the red paint they attempted to cover his neck with, saying that he employed “a little move, block, strike, and a little improvise, adapt, and overcome. Oh three hundred, Ooh-rah!”
But it wasn’t just the Marines being attacked.
PETA militants also have said that Marines were throwing hard boiled eggs and hot dog water at them. Some even claim to have been beaten with long pieces of meat byproduct.
PETA protesters turned to what they called their only defense. Using out-of-tune acoustic guitars, the crowd sang songs of animal triumph over human oppression.
Both civilian and military police worked together to break up the melee because no one could stand the horrible PETA music any longer.
Peace talks have started, with top Marine brass explaining that leather hasn’t been used around the neck of a Marines’ uniform since long before PETA existed. Former CENTCOM Commander Gen. James Mattis also joined in the discussion, saying that the protestors “should just go fuck themselves.”
The term “Leatherneck” will continue in service due to an old grandfather clause that was produced faster than a a set of dummy orders. “Woolly-pully,” the term for a Marines’ dress sweater, is still under review. A few of the more popular choices of terms for the sweater include: “hot-n-cotton”, “stitchy-itchy”, and “polyester-molester.”
While the debate over the terms continues to rage, other groups have been inspired by the protestors. A group called “Irish Respect Association” has called for the Marine Corps to stop using the term “Irish pennants.”
They have sent in numerous photographs of their clothing, clearly showing no loose threads hanging as the term suggests.