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Corps’ lone thief apprehended; Marines rejoice, burn missing gear statements

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Marine Commandant Gen. James Amos was proud to announce to reporters today that his faith is renewed in the mantra of Marines' never "lying, cheating, or stealing."

The press pool — unsure of what his final remarks would be — continued to speculate on what he meant until the moment he entered the briefing room.

As he approached the podium alongside Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Michael P. Barrett, the Commandant gave a quick smirk toward the media and simply announced: “We got him.”

Cheers instantly erupted from members of the press and from Marine barracks the world over when the three words were uttered.

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