NBC Cancels Series, Entire Cast Of ‘Stars Earn Stripes’ Killed In Afghanistan Sgt B August 16, 2012 News 106 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: Stars Earn Stripes Funeral Service HOLLYWOOD, CA – The entire cast of the the military-themed reality television show Stars Earn Stripes has been killed in Afghanistan, according to a statement released today from NBC. “This is really an unfortunate tragedy,” said NBC Executive Andrew Jacobson. “These stars were trained by real professionals and given lots of fake Hollywood-style action shots. We thought that it would be fitting for the final assault of the season to take place in Afghanistan on the front lines with no help from their professional instructors.” While many critics accused the show of using excessive special effects with fake explosions and bullets, NBC felt it was necessary to respond and change course in the season finale. “We thought the best way to portray the hardships of being in the military was to use a real setting and a real mission, which is what we did by placing the stars in a real combat scenario. Unfortunately, the stars’ training didn’t cover actual military tactics, but rather focused on what looked cool on TV.” Most of Hollywood is in shock and disarray over the deaths of such stars as Dean Cain and Terry Crews. Sylvester Stallone, who worked alongside Crews in other films, spoke to Duffel Blog amid tears. “I never saw this coming. Terry was always on point on the set,” said Stallone. “He always seemed to be believable with the fake weapons and explosives we used. I expected him to excel on the show, and it’s truly regrettable that he was killed.” According to the NBC statement, the cast of Stars Earn Stripes was on a top secret raid on the home of the leader of the Haqqani Network. General James Mattis, CENTCOM Commander, allowed the raid to take place, saying “it’s about fucking time those pricks in Hollywood did something besides bitch to Congress. Let them take a few live rounds and see how ‘cool’ it is when their buddy is bleeding out of his fucking skull.” The price of NBC stock has plummeted with the news of the show cancellation. Mr. Jacobson informed the Duffel Blog that NBC is seeking an alternative set of stars for the next season of Stars Earn Stripes, but little interest is coming from Hollywood. “It seems like these actors, they all talk about ‘support the troops this, support the troops that,’ and they do those USO tours where they sign autographs and take some pictures, but in the end, they really don’t get the premise of guns actually hurting people, namely themselves.” An MQ-9 Reaper Drone flying overhead partially witnessed the tragedy, with pilot Major Willie Trevino watching. “Apparently, Nick Lachey tried to sing a song for the Taliban or whoever the fuck they were fighting and they didn’t like it,” said Trevino. “Then they chopped his balls off before they hung him. I would have fired a missile at the compound, but these things are expensive, you know?” The statement from NBC closes with an apology about the lack of further episodes. “We here at NBC would like to apologize for airing this show and will no longer be showing any new episodes. We’d hate for people to get attached before the last episode where everyone gets fucking slaughtered.” Some fans have already expressed their dismay at the cancellation, including Early Baldwin, an Alabama native and avid follower of the series. After calling NBC to lodge a formal complaint against the show’s cancellation, it was explained to him that the entire cast was murdered in a one minute fire-fight. Early retorted, “I don’t give a shit, we gotta support the troops, now put the damn show back on!” The Haqqani Network posted a statement to their Facebook page which said, “The cast of Stars Earn Stripes was killed. This is a tremendous victory against the Great Satan. These people weren’t even A-list celebrities, why try and ransom those rejects when it was so much more fun to cut off their balls?” Pam Horton says: February 15, 2014 at 8:24 PM Would’nt have hurt my feelings if that had happened in real life stupid F@#$ER’S DID’NT ACTUALLY THINK they could keep up with OUR real MILITARY! Honestly, the whole thing made me sick! War is hell, our boys are in hell and freaking hollyweird just wanted to make money and exploit the very WARRIORS they ARE AGAINST BY SUPPORTING owebama! Margaret Juul Ammann says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM WOW… Austin Moseley says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM LOL Pepe Tandazo says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Awww the show got cancelled William Van der Busch says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Don’t we wish……. Kathleen Christie Cotter says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Absolute Genius! Linda Frey Irby says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM LMAO! Ted Bear says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Stupid liberals! Mike Harris Sr. says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM The Haqqani Network on facebook! LOL! J.W. Arnold says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Their careers were already dead…. Alexander Hamilton says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Fake, people. this is fake! Please know this. Deborah Ghiai says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM At least our protesting Noble Peace Prize winners will be vindicated. Manny Ramirez says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Horrible concept. Americans are fed up with reality T.V. Peter Kirk says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM fantastic,,, now give them all a medal including 2 for the nimrod who donated his ball’s for the cause! Anonymous says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I’ve been praying for this to happen to some Reality TV Stars for years; God finally answered my prayers…. Randy Palermo says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM John —Thanks bro—————Thought I was going crazy. Dan Widge says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM As usual, up to your great reporting standards! Where do the hollywoodassclowns come up with sillyshit like this? David Paul Blankenship says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I heard on TMZ that Tod Palin died like a true god, according to his press agent. Bill Estes says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM This is not even funny, more of an insult to those who have and are serving. Linda Wehmueller says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM pretty fucking tacky. Ed Bowers says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I think Clark has really missed the spotlight to do something this stupid. Have not watched and don’t intend to. Timothy Willis says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I saw some “high lights” from the show. Does anybody know where I can find stuff that blows up right next to you but doesn’t have shrapnel? I thought that stuff was only in movies. John Phillip McCracken says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Real great move making lite about these D-listers getting killed in Afghanistan when 11 REAL soldiers died today……Real classy, fuckwit. Matt N Hyoyoung Wheeler says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Crap! I almost read that as “the deaths of…Dean Cain and Terry Hatcher”. The two worst (but marketed as decent) actors in Hollywood. They needed to die after their New Adventures of Superman series. Julia Hugo Rachel says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM “Those Missiles ARE expensive”. Pilot Major Willie Trevino made the best call. Will he get a Medal? (sorry Nick!) Carolyn O'Day Malfara says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I think the real reason for their demise was the fact that they had that career politician/desk jockey for a commander. Worst general ever… unless you are a liberal running for office. Andrew Schuck says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Wait, so when it happens to adults, it is an un-airable tragedy which shouldn’t have happened. A terrible mistake. But when it happens to children it is the box office hit of the year called the Hunger Games? Hypocracy? Rafael Espericueta says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I am sad for the loss of life, but glad this perverse excuse for a “show” was cancelled. I hope the ensuing lawsuits close down NBC – they don’t deserve to continue to exist after this fiasco. Glorifying war is glorifying terrorism. For there is no doubt about it, war IS terrorism on a vast scale. Jacob McCreary says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Hahahahaha this is freaking ridiculous. What kind of an idiot do you have to be? I mean seriously there must be a new breed of moron out there now. Josh Noble says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Dear Fucking Moronic Posters: You read about celebrities dying in combat on here, believe it, but see it nowhere else and DO NOT question why this isn’t news on another network or site? Are you really this g*****n stupid? I really feel far less safe knowing that some of you are my fellow servicemen and women. and therefore clearly don’t know your ass from a poundcake. And the military trusts some of you with guns. Fuckin a. Rachel Dickinson Cody says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM this is a fake story. http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/2012/08/marine-fake-military-news-site-the-duffel-blog-fools-readers-paul-szoldra-081412/ Melania Gulley says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM juvenile fake blog with even more juvenile comments are you sure hollywood is the problem.. maybe its just the so called moral majority and good christian.. grow up people. Kirk Hogan says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Somebody help me out here…I’ve never HEARD of this Krap! It is loony enough for Holly-Wierd to attempt…but seriously…is this for REAL or is it a spoof? And BTW Gen. Mattis would make a Kick-Ass Commandant! Davis Bunting says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Gen. Mattis is just pure bad ass. Duncan Belstin says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM President Obama denies military funerals for dead cast members of Stars Earn Stripes http://hollywoodandswine.com/president-obama-to-deny-military-funerals-for-any-d-list-celebrities-killed-on-nbcs-stars-earn-stripes/. Genevieve Wagner says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM This show has bothered me since I first saw a commercial for it. I don’t give a crap that they’re donating their winnings to military charities – they’re mocking the military in the process. One more blazing example of NBC having poor taste in “entertainment.” Roy Creiglow says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Don’t believe it is true, and a lot of you folks here are a bunch of Lemers. Jon Leonard says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I’m a military veteran of several tours to Iraq and Afghanistan…and this story is HILARIOUS! I also enjoy the show “stars earn stripes”. Anybody that is offended by this needs to relax and laugh a little! Carol Cannon says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Oh for Pete’s sake…… Who writes this CRAP? It is a hoax. Eddie Shore says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Wow, all this flack going towards “Stars Earn Stripes” screaming the show glorifies war and makes it is a joke – screaming we need peace not glorifying the military; only for articles for this to be written, making a joke about its cast dying. Can you say hypocrisy? Daniel Brosnan says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Ha Ha Ha, too funny. Dustin Bottomley says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM If only this were true. Michelle Dawn Lotz-Lynch says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Wait some asshole came up with this a show idea…burn them all! Randy Palermo says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Is this true?— Do these hollywood types really think combat is a game?— Dude Iraq and Afgan are no fucking walk in the park —I know I was there. David Mauk says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM this is a joke article, but it perfectly sums up how I feel about ‘stars earns stripes’ and hollywoods take on what the military is like… Timothy Willis says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I had to send you 10 bucks for that one, you guys are doing God’s work. I wish my past as a 12-B could of got me a job on the show. I could have made some sweet claymores that shot out confetti and fairy dust. Terry Bradshaw says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Wayne Weber says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM How STUPID has the LIBERAL minded flakes of Hollywood become? There is no such thing as lets “PLAY WAR” in a real war zone against a real enemy who is trying to kill you. The reason why military shows like “The Unit” work is because nobody really gets killed, and people get to see them again next week. That’s how fan bases get built. Putting novices in a real war zone without proper leadership is downright dumb-assed! When a freshly trained military recruit arrives “in country” he or she is assigned to a seasoned leader so they can learn the ropes when real bullets are coming their way. So all of you “PLAY WARRIORS” out there should who think you can handle this on your own, THINK AGAIN! Oh! And to add to the real sadness of this story is the fact that 11 of our real fighting me were killed on Thursday. Randi Massengill says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM That was fantastic! Chris Watson says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM You have now made my all time favorite DB post! ROTFLMBO! Joshua Grabow says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM This is pure, unadulterated comedy perfection. Darrell Cheramie says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Funny Shit! Coty Dildine says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM “it’s about fucking time those pricks in Hollywood did something besides bitch to Congress. Let them take a few live rounds and see how ‘cool’ it is when their buddy is bleeding out of his fucking skull.”—- best line ive ever read in TDB. Nick Harris says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I think I’ll share this and unfriend everyone who thinks it’s true. Also, everyone who says, “I love that show”. Benjamin Midkiff says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I just posted this to the show’s Facebook page. Erik C Petterson says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM It was that “Damn” SEAL TEAM Six again! First it was “Davy Jones”, then they smoked “Whitney Houston”, When is this jealous streak going to end? Might as well give STS their own “reality show”… Dudley Toelke says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Cast canceled, show canceled, all’s well that ends well! I can hear the Taliban now-“Death to reality shows”! Well, for once I have to agree with the Taliban. Poppy Can says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM After considerable checking this is some idiots idea of a sick joke. All are alive and well! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Jonn Lilyea says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM If anyone deserved a gruesome, painful death it was Nick Lachey. Benjamin Flagg says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM This is gold. I like these fantasy pieces where distaster strikes patriot-porn TV shows and Mattis is the Commandant. That’s the world I want to live in. More please! Sue Langford says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Dean Cain isn’t dead. Gees people. Either s nick Jerry Beingesser says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Whose brilliant Idea was it to make entertainment out of war? That’s who should have his balls or her breasts cut off. Richard Willis says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM Did this actually happen? Randy Palermo says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM I saw Nick lashay on tv — live ——- so he couldn’t have been killed. Patricia Rieger Branham says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM My heart goes out to those who were killed and their families – I don’t care if they were stars or not and the comment you made, John, was so disrespectful I was shocked – hope no one says that about you one day! William Earl Dungey says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM NBC could be this stupid, one would hope a General, a commander with real combat experience wouldn’t be, and I know the Taliban would shoot anything they could as long as it was American. Is this story true? George Smith says: February 7, 2014 at 4:28 PM ROFLMFAO… What Blithering Idiot Came up with this one… It’s called a Combat Zone for a reason… There are real guns and Bullets and Bad people what really want you Really DEAD there… The Idiots got what they wanted Real Fame… What a Bunch of Maroons… I hope the families take every Dine the producers and Investors and every one involved with that shit have…. Big W says: September 17, 2012 at 10:40 PM Thank you for making my day! Haven’t laughed so hard in a long time! This TV show is an abomination. TBooze says: August 27, 2012 at 3:05 PM I didn’t watch any of the horseshit show. Never was put in harms way and never fired a shot in anger in my time in the USMC, but know plenty of people that have been and I don’t beleive anyone of them would approve of the shit. Wesley Clark said he wanted to show people what the troops go through? Well General I think you sold your soul. Eat shit and squat. 4 Merit. Masts During Career says: August 22, 2012 at 6:33 PM HaHAHAHA. LOLed with LOLphter…still LOLing. The Nick Latchkey singing especially was tawdry. I am so fired up now that I might just go out in the yard with my kids, get them to understand being on line, and then just sweep until we can find a cigarette butt. One of my meritorious masts came from my specialty training in this art. Syne Winston says: August 19, 2012 at 1:25 AM The irony of it is, that’s an actual quote from Gen. Matthis…. grunt says: August 17, 2012 at 3:34 PM I can not understand the venmom some send your way – “real soliders were killed today,” we (you, me, and the other COMBAT vets) know that- gallows humor? I do not know, but every dead Marine I know (er, knew him before he died that is) would love this shit! Austen says: August 17, 2012 at 12:40 AM How many times will I read the comment section of this site to see that some complete fucking moron thought this was real? john says: August 17, 2012 at 1:08 AM It’s called “WISHFULL THINKING” Sailor says: August 17, 2012 at 2:39 AM It’s frustrating, I know. And to think some of them are in the military. RipWaxmaster says: August 17, 2012 at 6:38 AM Probably every time you read the comments section on this site. Pretty sad, I know. But hey, at least it’s not YouTube. OC/T says: August 20, 2012 at 3:14 AM Thats the greatest thing about it! People are morons! John P McCracken says: August 16, 2012 at 8:12 PM Real great move making lite about these D-listers getting killed in Afghanistan when 11 REAL soldiers died today……Real classy, fuckwit. TSgt David Baillargeon says: August 16, 2012 at 10:51 PM @McCracken, if we had to check the news feeds and status reports before making lite about the daily ridiculousness Hollywood hoists upon us so as not offend (what was that term you used, oh yes… fuckwits), like yourself, then the world would be a gloomy place indeed. Why dont you get with your supply sergeant and requisition yourself a sense of humor “Hero”… Army Wife (P) says: August 17, 2012 at 2:24 AM Real soldiers are dying here everyday. You choose to point a finger at a joke site today? Fuck you pal. Noble Order of the Blue Falcon says: August 16, 2012 at 3:52 PM Epic win post is full of epic WIN. Genevieve Fosa says: August 16, 2012 at 3:32 PM I’m not so much weeping for the ‘stars’ who were killed, as I am for the fact that our entertainment industry, which for years has been promoting mock violence as entertainment, that they had completely lost sight of the difference between mock-violence and the very real violence of war – expecting that the training those actors received in order to look good on a stage set would be anywhere near enough to keep them alive in a war zone. And no one tried to stop it. Just as we have all gone along with th gratuitous violence in the movies and television drama. War is certainly glorious, is it not? RobSanDiego says: August 20, 2012 at 4:09 PM Yes, yes it is. So is reading your truly thoughtful, serious comment. Grace says: August 16, 2012 at 2:43 PM LOL take that Onion. David says: August 16, 2012 at 2:36 PM General Mattis nailed it again. It’s about time these retards found out what really happens on the front lines. Oh by the way, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Tom says: August 16, 2012 at 2:30 PM Having not watched television in years, I knew nothing of this ridiculous show other than internet headlines. This is the first article I have opened on this show, and quite frankly, I expected a link to The Onion. If this is an authentic story, it restores my faith in a just God. When a society thinks war is entertainment, it deserves to fall. Jerry says: August 17, 2012 at 11:01 PM What is the Onion? Jeff Hinton says: August 16, 2012 at 2:29 PM That’s some funny shite right there…… I like the way you think. Keep up the good work! Team Sergeant P. S. I placed a link on our website to this article. SGT B says: August 16, 2012 at 7:11 PM Thanks for the link-back! Well keep the laughs coming, you just keep spreading the word! Mike Runs says: August 16, 2012 at 2:21 PM This is just heartbreaking. So many C & D list celebrities will never be able to make appearances on “Ellen” or HSN again. What. will. we. do? james power says: August 16, 2012 at 2:21 PM LOVE IT, BRILL. Bill Lee says: August 16, 2012 at 2:17 PM Draft more Hollyweird stars. The “enemy” is not going to get away with this atrocity. Let’s roll. @FarmTeamInfidel says: August 16, 2012 at 12:53 PM Besides being too expensive to fire that rocket into the village, isn’t it still against ROE to fire into a village known to be housing terrorists? Richard Freeman says: August 16, 2012 at 12:50 PM Colbert report shoved Nick Lachey saying “This is a once a lifetime experience.” Colbert “Unless you enlist then you could do it everyday.” Love the site guys wish they had it when I was in the AF. Then again there was no internet either. RipWaxmaster says: August 16, 2012 at 11:52 AM “murdered in a one minute fire-fight.” … Outstanding. XD Do you guys keep a straight face when you write this stuff? Paul says: August 16, 2012 at 12:07 PM It’s pretty tough, I’ll be honest. Wzrd1 says: August 16, 2012 at 6:54 PM But, you failed to update the Haqqani Network newest Facebook posting thanking the US for two additional helpings to their rations per man. Michael Hasbun says: August 16, 2012 at 10:37 AM This was brilliant! Major Major Major says: August 16, 2012 at 10:08 AM I witnessed the whole thing from the TOC. The video feed from the Reaper gave us some great Powerpoint slides! radglock says: August 16, 2012 at 8:34 AM The genius of Duffel Blog seems to grow exponentially with every story.