US Army Introduces ‘Revolutionary’ New Woodland Camouflage Uniform To Replace ACU Dirk Diggler August 29, 2012 Army 89 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: FORT BELVOIR, VA – In a surprise move, the US Army’s Program Executive Office-Soldier has announced that it has selected a “revolutionary” new woodland camouflage pattern to replace the Army’s Universal Camouflage Pattern (UCP). The UCP, introduced in 2004, was widely regarded as a colossal blunder, costing the taxpayer nearly $5 billion. Modeled after the “Urban Track Pattern”, the uniform finished last in PEO-Soldier trials in 2003. Nevertheless, PEO-Soldier selected the pattern for its new Army Combat Uniform (ACU). Though PEO-Soldier boldly claimed that the UCP was capable of blending into any environment, practical experience in Afghanistan and Iraq showed that the uniform failed to live up to expectations. Two powerful Pennsylvania congressmen decried the uniform, citing numerous non-commissioned officers who claimed that the uniform failed to blend to the environment in Afghanistan. After another grueling series of trials, PEO-Soldier selected a new pattern for the US Army — woodland camouflage. A PEO-Soldier spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity believes that the new uniform introduction is “a game changer.” “We figured out that the old woodland pattern really was pretty effective, and we know that soldiers will be the best-equipped, best-dressed, and best-camouflaged with this pattern.” Using state-of-the art digital clothing records, the Army will also save money when it switches to the new old pattern. “We can use historical hand receipts to see who had been issued BDUs. We won’t need to re-issue the new uniforms to anyone who was already issued them. This will save the taxpayers’ billions.” Brigadier General Paul A. Ostrowski said that this was an innovative way to “solve the camo debacle and hit soldiers with the green weenie,” which he called a win-win. “In this age of austerity, we find that we can simply charge soldiers for any uniforms they may have misplaced or thrown away,” said Ostrowski. “Luckily, we can pass along significant savings to the taxpayers by screwing over the warfighter.” Ostrowski continued, reflecting with a smile on the best ways to field gear to soldiers who will “bitch about it for years to come.” “We at PEO-Soldier thrive on thinking outside the box. Not a day goes by that we don’t think to ourselves, ‘how can we screw over the trigger-pullers this time’? We weren’t sure how we’d top the ACU mess, but we can definitely deliver when the top brass calls for us to produce more bullshit and call it innovation.” Frederick J. Calabrese says: June 7, 2014 at 4:14 PM On a side note, I really like the new M-4: The 20″ barrel gives improved velocities; the fixed stock doesn’t break; the triangular handguards are just awesome; and the non-removable carrying handle with integrated site is pure genius. Eric Schaertl says: May 24, 2014 at 12:40 PM Why not just have the whole military switch to MARPAT, one woodland pattern one desert pattern and UNIFORMITY across the armed services like we used to do in the 70′s Art McQueen says: May 23, 2014 at 3:54 PM Hah! That’s my photo. Love this site. Andy Collier says: April 30, 2014 at 11:09 PM Bring back the ODs and the Chocloate Chips (And yes I know this is satire) John Jett says: April 17, 2014 at 3:54 AM BDUs were good uniforms but; why not just go back to the OD Green fatigues? Now all the LCE and gear is matched to the ACUs and Obama and company are cutting the budget. So the soldier of the future is going to be seriously mismatched. Michael Z. Williamson says: April 16, 2014 at 3:09 AM Satire, except when I returned to service, they actually DID ask if I had my previous uniforms and would I use those instead of new issue. Then for my OIF deployment in 2008, they asked if I still had the Desert Fox issue uniforms from 1999. Why should they spend organization funds when they can screw over the troop? John Sehler says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Question. When the Army Applies the “Green Weenie “to the troops will the troops be in formation and have to” assume the position” for acceptance of the official “Green Weenie” Gary Moore says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM WWII Herringbone was as good as anything being proposed. This looks like an action shot, set up by ‘Riechs Minister’ Gobbels. Looks exactly like a ‘Wermach’ uniform, right down to the helmet. What’s next? Going to German SS uniforms as the new dress uniform. They were pretty, and you get a cute little ‘skull and crossbones’ on your hat. Next, let’s replace all the hideous tattoos everybody is getting today, with a set of roon’s under your left arm, so you don’t look like the painted lady at the circus. Oh, and our salute, let’s change that too. The straight arm, or maybe a Roman clenched fist across our chest worked for millions before us. Billions of dollars wasted on this goofy crap. Just go back to the WWII Officers pinks, and Ike jackets. It was such a simple design, and worked just as well as anything else. Now, about these ribbons and badges; Who needs them? Are we horses that need a flower on our bridle to make us prance around? The Uniform is the only real Badge our military needs, otherwise “we don’t need no stinking badges.” All that other crap makes us look like some sort of banana republic clowns. They’re making this stuff all too complicated. Just a simple uniform would do. How about something as simple as a jumpsuit. Put your arms and legs in it, zip it up, and you’re read to go. Boots? Make em with zippers in them. Insert feet, zip em up, then it’s as simple as putting on your 1164 harness, putting on a helmet, grabbing your 30.06 with 22 inch barrel, rifle that is capable of killing anything that walks, talks, or crawls, shoots a mile, can be fitted with a scope if need be, and would stop an elephant. Put a strap on it, sling it across your chest, and out the door you go. Body Armor? Practically useless. Get your ass down as low as you can, and find something to get behind. If you walk on a IED, do you think that armor is going to protect you? That would probably be the only thing left we could find, and we’d only use it to ID your DNA. Caskets? Why? Your not in that chunk of rotting meat, you’re gone. Cremate, or bury it on the spot. Send tags home to momma to hang on your picture in the living room. Total waste of money to buy body bags, & coffins just to airlift your mangled dead body back home to a wagon train funeral, just to dump you in a hole in the ground. That’s not insensitive, it’s practical. The results of war are ugly. Adding Hocus Pocus words, and engaging in meaningless rituals won’t make it better. Cry over your loss, hug your family, and continue living your life. That is really all you can do. Dudley Toelke says: January 3, 2014 at 1:38 AM Hope they issue the ones with the “disco” lapels. Matthew MacRoberts says: January 3, 2014 at 1:38 AM Awesome concept! John Reece says: January 3, 2014 at 1:38 AM Just make Ghillie suits the standard uniform. That would look awesome on parade. Zach Conner says: January 3, 2014 at 1:38 AM How about switching back to the old tiger stripe from veitnam? Austin Langley says: January 3, 2014 at 1:38 AM I actually thought this was true, it is a good idea to go back though. Alexander C Ellis says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Strange that the digitalis work for Marines but not Army. Robert Walton says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Understand a spray can of white latex will be issued with each UCP for use in the snow. Michael Schramm says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM When satire almost aligns with the truth, the digital ACU is a farce! Just like the black berets, only to go back to the patrol caps…. Gene Du Bose says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM I look at the above picture and all I saw was faces and hands, everything else was just a bunch of forest colored leaves and three pair of black boots. What else was there to look at? Josh Noble says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM (aware of the satire) I am fully convinced the only reason so many uniform changes exist is so that defense contractors can stay in business. Mike Harris says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Homeless 35 yr old viet nam vet and decorated hero makes millions selling his stockpile of old pattern cammies to servicemembers. John Connors says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM As Yogi Berra once said;”Deja Vu All Over Again”.This is basically the same uniform I was issued to replace my OD fatigues around 1978. Brenden Frie says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Come on now the ACU is great. If you don’t wash it, spend some time outside the wire, and do not fix any of the normal tears (hip pockets, croch, shoulder pockets, and knees) which add to a more natural camo pattern it’s great. Your clothing quickly becomes camoflauged by the natural environment in which you are operating. Not to mention the stench, it all blends in with the local environment. Ernest Carlson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM This is too damn silly to be a joke. *Poker Face* Daniel Barton says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM It wouldn’t surprise me if this did actually happen………i know its a satire sight…….but don’t give them any ideas lol. Talbert Rutherford says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Now that is real leadership thinking outside the box. Wow, if only I was that smart… Keith Brackett says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Crap! Now I’m going to have to wash dust off the BDU’s I was issued in 1986, do you understand how much dust may have collected on them in the past 14 YEARS? Robert Woodward says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM that just goes to show if it ain’t broke… don’t fix it. John Chalus says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Best idea ever since no camouflage will make you invisible to the enemy. Do the Taliban or Al Queada have camo? I know the VC and NVA did not. Robert Kerecz says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Pathetically sad and funny at the same time. Alot of stupid people making important decisions today. William Louis Herr says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Why is this so believeable? It’s supposed to be funny, but it’s too probable to be. FML. Mike Harris Sr. says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Mad rush to buy old style camo uniforms hits local Army/Navy surplus store! Film at eleven. Also at eleven, missing M60A3 tank with full combat load turns up at the Main St. Goodwill store. Joseph Underwood says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM They should issue kilts…….all the better to freeball…… Eric Beasley says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Did they include the mandatory PT belt during their testing? Rodney Stonestreet says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM This is probably the best idea they’ve come up with since adding propellers to the 2LT berets… Griffin Nelson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Okay, I’m new to this site, so I have to ask: Wait, is this for real? Taylor Crowe says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM STOP IT DUFFEL BLOG YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THEM IDEAS. Gary Graham says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM THATS WHY I CHANGED TO MARPAT!!!! Ramiro Durazo says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM i couldn’t stop laughing hahaha Charles F. King Jr. says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM The Woodland Patern BDU was the Best Uniform,the US Army should keep also the Desert Patern Uniform Also. Allen Thompson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM In a similar study it has been determined that the M-4 is too short. Trials are under way to design a light weight rifle with a 20 inch barrel based on the M-4 design. Robert Contratto says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM PEO Soldier sucks so bad. They say whatever to sell today POS stays around. T11 prime example, its a POS but we will keep jumping it. this is satire but its so close to the truth its actually true. Christopher Bryant Del Gesso says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Oh God, I took this seriously for a moment. shot bag says: October 28, 2012 at 3:02 PM Whith the senseless KIAs of our most valued commidy (Soldiers )& the failure to fight the war ,IE just using our boys for movin targets, the IEDs maining & killin us, when all we had to do was get off the GD roads, theses E9s & Field Grade pizz ants have nothin to do that f**k around with the freakin uniforms? 5fingers and a thumb says: September 9, 2012 at 2:52 AM Screw that just send out a message saying any ol camo will work doesnt even have to match .. Walmart hunting section wiped out in less than 30 seconds clip at 11. CPT 2003 says: September 12, 2012 at 1:52 PM Hey no kidding – that was status quo in 2003 – I got 2 sets of DCU for OIF1 and took another 4 sets of BDU downrange – mixing desert boots with BDU was authorized – and – for a period – so was the tan t-shirt and desert boots with BDU back at Hood, then of course there was the green flack-vest and BDU helmet cover worn with DCUs – worked great – really blended in . . . LoFlyer says: September 8, 2012 at 5:42 PM No doubt they will come out with desert camouflaged body-bags. I love the satire of this blog! I can’t wait till November! Lil J says: September 4, 2012 at 9:30 AM This. Is. Bullshit. I wasn’t even teething when they had these old-fuck uniforms in the Army. Where the fuck am I supposed to get this shit? My bullshit clothing allowance that covers the SKIRT on my new Blues? Mother. Fucker. All you old dudes HAVE this shit still… it is not fucking fair. CPT 2003 says: September 5, 2012 at 10:36 AM now now . . . Mrs. Manners says nice ladies should not use the potty mouth (its that other book that you should have seen right next to the Army Officer’s Guide at clothing sales – Service Ettiquette – get it! Just kidding . . .Try the thrift shop – you might be amazed at the wonderful deals you can get on stuff there – I got a set of Mess Dress Whites at Rucker’s for about $100 shot bag says: October 28, 2012 at 3:08 PM Lil ; life an’t fair, do you talk like that in front of your mom? CPT Mold says: September 3, 2012 at 9:01 PM Does this mean they are bringing back the old Gumby waterproof overshoes too? shot bag says: October 28, 2012 at 3:05 PM Cpt Mold , if you don’t like it get the hello out! you’re gettin a lot damn money just to b&tch. Duh says: August 30, 2012 at 5:32 PM However, the supply seargents have figured out a way to split the digital signatures in half. Thus, puttine two on the books for possible losses of the trigger pullers. At a price, of course. Sabotage PPK says: August 30, 2012 at 3:20 PM Is it bad that the first thing I thought when I saw the photo is “Is that a pistol belt and LCE?” I’m thinking of wearing my old belt to work from now on. Mannie says: August 30, 2012 at 11:11 AM The UCP, introduced in 2004, was widely regarded as a colossal blunder, costing the taxpayer nearly $5 billion This is BS. I doubt they even spent $5B on all uniforms since 2004. That’s a lot of fatigues. Still the GIs wore them and wore them out. The pattern didn’t matter, there. It’s not as big a disaster as many have hyped, because camo uniforms are not vastly better than non camo ones. Often, due to lighting and position, it doesn’t matter what your wearing. Still, I always had my doubts about the ACU pattern. It always seemed to grey, with the pattern too fine. Woodland is nice in much of the world, but it stands out like a sore thumb in the desert. Look at the old pictures from Desert Storm. What ever happened to MultiCam? I thought that was the new latest and greatest. We’ll have another “latest and Greatest” in two months. Just as long as they don’t buy too many, they can change every month. That ought to confuse the enemy to death. Jeremy says: August 30, 2012 at 1:03 AM If anybody is interested I have a pair of rippled jungles never worn, size 10 1/2. Plus my wife used to be in the Guard so you can have her old BDU’s size S/XS, she’s a pygmy. And don’t forget the ALICE packs, time for them to make a comeback….serious inquiries only. chad says: August 30, 2012 at 7:00 AM im interested email me email@example.com chad says: September 10, 2012 at 11:16 PM im forreals interestef Cranky Old SOB says: August 30, 2012 at 1:01 AM We need to take a page from the Marines and just not screw with uniforms. I have had in 29 years: the Texaco fatigues, jungle fatigues (the best uniform ever) , Elvis collar heavy BDUs, normal collar heavy BDUs, normal collar lightweight BDUs, chocolate chips, 3 color desert, and ACUs. 2 piece Texaco flight suit (OK, wasn’t mandatory, but looked cool), pickle suit, tan pickle suit, 2 piece BDU flight suit, and 2 piece ACU flight suit. TWs, old wool/poly greens, new plastic greens, dress blues and now the new mess. Green baseball cap, green patrol cap, BDU patrol cap, various desert patrol caps and matching boonies, ACU crap, garrison cap in wool & plastic, saucer cap with and without scrambled eggs, ditto blue saucer, and berets in 3 assorted colors. We won’t even get into shoes and boots – hell, I could have clothed an entire OWS camp with the stuff I have had. I have read that there is for real testing of five new camo patterns – my only hope is that I can retire before I either have to buy or get issued more stuff. CPT 2003 says: August 30, 2012 at 8:01 AM but Sir – you forgot the lousy change from green shoulder marks to black ones so that we could match our NCOs . . . Cranky Old SOB says: August 31, 2012 at 2:57 AM Yer right – also the various varieties of overcoats (one green belted, one black shapeless bag, black belted just like the green one) and jackets ( 2 versions of windbreakers before the baseball jacket so we wouldn’t look like our NCOs) for As and Bs; the Banana Suit PT outfit that shrunk 2 sizes the first time you washed it, as well as the other PT variations – at least the latest version works. “Optional” stuff to include the original black sweater that was ganked for the V-neck version with epaulets and the patch for name tag and crest, and the God-awful Mr. Rogers cardigan (some things one has to refuse). Oh well, could be worse, I suppose – I have an Army Officer’s Guide from 1942 – there are something like 18 uniforms they had to have. CPT 2003 says: August 31, 2012 at 10:15 AM Yes Sir, and all on our own dime – with a one-time uniform allowance that is about enough to purchase half a service uniform . . . Have a great Army day! Cranky Old SOB says: August 31, 2012 at 11:49 AM Heh – yeah, when we first herded into the Clothing Sales they didn’t have either a garrison cap or issue style boots that fit – I had to blow nearly half the allowance just for a damn saucer cap and a pair of Cochrans. At least I wore the boots out, I could count on one hand the number of times I was the hat. My only revenge is that I have been issued so many pairs of desert boots that I’ll never have to buy them – I still have a virgin pair from ’91. I may have to break them out so someone can tell me I have unauthorized footgear on…at least we didn’t go to those Robin Hood green boots like the AF, so we got that going for us. Brian says: August 30, 2012 at 1:00 AM It’s all part of the Pentagon’s plan to help make Afghanistan look like a greener place. It’s too expensive to buy a bunch of trees and bushes, just have US Soldiers walking around all over the place in their crisp new BDUs… problem solved. Major Major Major says: August 29, 2012 at 2:41 PM Bravo General, for finding ways to save taxpayer coin. Next, I propose bringing back the old, non-polyester PT togs. Never liked tha black shorts, myself. Persy says: August 29, 2012 at 2:16 PM Dang!! Sold all of mine in a yardsale pre hunting season here in PA!! Ten years of woodland camo gone in about 20 minutes of frenzied yardsale-style elbowing to get to them! Lt. Butero-Trinkejo says: August 29, 2012 at 1:55 PM I may not be smarter than a working dog but something is familiar about this. I am actually really excited about this new uniform change. I wonder if I will be able to show how High Speed I am by repeatedly taking them to the cleaners and getting them pressed, because nothing shows how squared away you are by paying someone else to take care of your uniforms. I also wonder if the shoe shine people will open up again, on officer pay I can afford to have them shined to a mirror finish by someone else. You all know looking good=squared away! CPT 2003 says: August 30, 2012 at 7:58 AM “and I looked down and what did I see – a spit-shined boot – he’s no paratrooper – he’s a garatrooper” and a chairborne stranger all the way! Have a great Army day! leftoftheboom says: August 30, 2012 at 12:42 PM Oh HELL NO! I had a nice funeral pryor, a ceremony, and then I lit the kiwi and burned my black boots. I will never wear them again! And since I am retired. I mean it damn it. shot bag says: October 28, 2012 at 3:19 PM must be a leg Pits and Shagrins says: August 29, 2012 at 12:56 PM The wheel on the bus go round and round…round and round… Darrell B says: August 29, 2012 at 11:19 AM Oh, hell yeah!! Daddy’s finna get paid. All I have to do now is track down my brother and tell him I want all 20 sets returned to me. If the Marine Corps would just catch on, I won’t have to have my toddlers remove the service tapes from all of them before I sell them to soldiers. As a taxpayer, I applaud this initiative as it’s win-win-WIN for me. Saves me money, screws over today’s warfighters, AND puts some money back in my pocket with the sale of recycled cammies. Pure genius. Who needs Cadillacs and a boot polish kit? Left one is 10R, right one is 9.5, polish kit has 1/2 can of black (probably pretty dried out) and 9/10 can of neutral (probably also pretty dried out). djdudley says: August 29, 2012 at 11:08 AM Woodlands cammo, We will be the greenest thing in the desert! Gotta love it!! Wzrd1 says: August 29, 2012 at 12:43 PM Actually, there was an update after the story posted. Apparently, the Woodland camouflage pattern is not to be the old green, tan, brown and black. It is to be safety orange, brilliant white, safety yellow and violet. The idea is a new, cutting edge scientific observation of the uniform causing so great an amount of pain to the viewer, the enemy will be utterly unable to look at our fighting men. This will also save tax dollars, as the Army can phase out all body armor, for no enemy can manage to shoot someone who they cannot look at. Said body armor is to be sold locally at the DRMO at each FOB to the local villagers who REALLY need such armor, as they are unprotected by our modern camouflage. leftoftheboom says: August 29, 2012 at 1:52 PM I heard about some purple and lime highlights in key areas. SGT STSTutter says: August 29, 2012 at 10:59 AM What? I sold my BDU’s for $5 a set to an army surplus store about a year after the UCP pattern came out. Are they going to make us get the black boots again too? Oh well I can still get a set off amazon for $50. they are probubly going to skyrocket with this announcment. CPT 2003 says: August 29, 2012 at 11:08 AM SGT – it is SATIRE! COMEDY! MILITARY HUMOR (for those who know) . . . Enjoy your ACUs, and oh, there is a new set of organizational issue that looks a lot like the USMC MARPAT pattern – so gee – now soldiers will get to look like Marines – and while I am on that subject – how about all those sailors that now try to look like Marines in the new black & tan uniform . . . I digress . . . SGT STSTutter says: August 29, 2012 at 2:41 PM Sir, I looked up satire on wikipedia. I guess you’re telling me that this article is fake. So is everything on this site fake? My wife isn’y going to receive a rank? A speech didn’t start a riot that resulted in 11 deaths? An Airmen never sent back an over cooked steak? Surely that must have happend I have worked with the Air Force and they are picky basterds. Lt. Butero-Trinkejo says: August 29, 2012 at 4:05 PM You sons a beetches you better not be questioning the integrity of the Duffel Blog! Muffin will be calling you to the carpet…nothing outranks a pissed off S-9! djdudley says: August 29, 2012 at 4:38 PM We’re picky because we are GOOD!! shot bag says: October 28, 2012 at 3:17 PM yea, just as good as that pregnant, single, minority, profiled female. CPT 2003 says: August 30, 2012 at 8:05 AM of course it’s all ‘fake’ but it is the best ‘fake’ news I have ever read – as funny (and maybe funnier) than LTC Placke’s Staff Officer and Powerpoint humor – its on the net, look it up) and like all good sardonic (great word) humor, its dark with a twist fo truth . . . JH in Texas says: August 30, 2012 at 11:50 AM CPT 2003 – You’ve been had again….. ThisPageLeftIntentionallyBlank says: August 30, 2012 at 1:44 PM …but I thought if it was on the internet it had to be true? it’s where FoxNews and company get all their stuff, right? ssggarv says: September 9, 2012 at 7:07 PM I still have several sets of bdu’s that are in good shape but probably wouldnt be able to wear them due to the fact the original sets would most likely have some noticeable differences from the re-makes. CPT 2003 says: August 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM Oh, if only it could be so – I still have an “A” and “B” bag full of em, plus the nifty TA-50 in woodland pattern (that was out for a year before being replaced by the new stuff), goretex, etc. What a waste . . . Now, if we could just unscrew the service uniform and go back to greens (or even better, khaki’s) and leave the dress blue alone . . . Brent says: August 29, 2012 at 8:28 AM Brilliant.