Book Review: Military Thriller ‘Fifty Shades of Green’ Hits Bestseller Lists Worldwide fernando September 9, 2012 Marine Corps 22 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: PrevNextUse your ← → (arrow) keys to browse The cover of ‘Fifty Shades of Green’ The newest hit novel to sweep the world off its feet, Fifty Shades of Green, is a book that defies categorization. Billed by many as erotic fiction, by others as a thriller/suspense, and by some as petty novice work, the book no doubt still has fans aching for more. Set in present day Texas, the tale tells the story of Billy Bob Carter, a recent high school graduate who meets a smooth talking man in a fancy, pressed military uniform. After a series of intimidation, fast food meals, trips to the mall, and promises of shooting guns, cheap hookers, and glory, Billy is bamboozled into signing a contract that literally gives his life over to the whims of the man’s shadowy organization, known only as “the Marine Corps.” Billy soon finds himself on a plane, where he awaits three months of brainwashing hell on a deserted, swamp-infested island. But that’s not all. He quickly learns that he is subject to repeated and raunchy anal rape by a ghastly entity dubbed “the green weenie,” who is not even kind enough to allow the use of lube. Sure, he is showered with gifts and perks here and there, but Billy still finds himself torn between loving and hating his contract. Will he sign yet another four-year contract? Or will he free himself from this hate/love affair forever? Reception of the novel couldn’t be more mixed. The book’s growing cult-following is at about an Eight, on a scale of “One to Twilight.” One diehard fan, Jessica Peters, exclaimed, “Oh my gawd! This is the best freaking book in the whole entire universe! I love it so so much and I can’t wait ’til the next book comes out or maybe even a movie oh my gawd! oh my gawd! I love it! I love it! I love it!” before trailing off into mumbling, followed by tears. Others would rather see the book banned from bookshelves and burned. Marine recruiter Sergeant Jose Garcia disagrees with the book’s portrayal of recruiters as devious snake-oil salesmen, but lamented that “as far as military life goes, it’s a pretty accurate representation.” “I don’t let any of my poolees read it, and I just tell them that the author [R.L. Stines] is probably a disgruntled former dependapotamus.” The book is rated 4 on a 5-point scale of green weenies and is now available in stores worldwide. Brian Plumley says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I was able to stay seated with my arms on the armrest and finish the first chapter. Peter Kirk says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I lost my girlfriend over this powerful read! she went Navy on me. Chris Watson says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I liked the chapter where he hears ‘Welcome to the USMC; now that we’re afloat, get into the barrel, Private.” Priceless! Daniel D-Murph Murphy says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM At the risk of being “That Guy” I ask; if the main character was from Texas wouldn’t he have gone to San Diego instead of Parris Island? Mike Harris says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM R.L. Stines is back to making horror stories. Read this book, itlll give you goosebumps. Get it……..i dont remember him writing stuff based on actual events though. Edwin Kriegel says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I don’t need to read it. I lived it. LOL Dudley Toelke says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM The ubiquitous “green weenie” rides again! or rapes again, depending on your point of view…or position. Bazooka Joe says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I recognize those cheap hookers….. Bravo Romeo Mike says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM What the hell? this is some funny shit! RJ Adams says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I wonder if General “Mad Dog” Mattis will put this on the required Marine reading list next to “The Anarchist Cookbook” and “Helter Skelter.” lol. Justin E. Miller says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM Still a better love story than Twilight. Matti Rvio says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM It’s a love story? Eric Bate says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM When I first started reading the article I thought “please say something about the green weenie… please say something about the green weenie…” ARTICLE DELIVERS. Paul Szoldra says: April 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM I laughed, I cried, I wasn’t able to sit down for over a month. HolyWOW says: September 12, 2012 at 11:40 AM on a scale of one to twilight LOL Kate Gosselin's uterus says: September 12, 2012 at 11:21 AM Oddly enough, most fictional, erotic, spy, military novels are set in Texas… former Sgt O' Marines says: September 10, 2012 at 9:09 AM Stephen king us writing a military book too. Its called “It returnes” with drill instructor staff segeant pennywise .i cant wait. radglock says: September 9, 2012 at 11:36 PM As always, outstanding work, TDB!!! Kevin P. McQuade says: September 9, 2012 at 8:54 PM And here I thought the Big Green Wiener was our Irish Neighbors Dog’s Color Every Year at St Paddy’s Day Time of The Year thing type stuff like. John says: September 9, 2012 at 12:33 PM Hilarious that Terminal Lance turned “dependapotamus” into a commonly used term. Notorious SSF says: September 9, 2012 at 10:58 AM Haha! Very funny! You know, there’s a military resort right next to Disney World called Shades of Green (it’s really nice; they have all sorts of sweet room deals, too!). I originally thought that’s what this article was gonna be about – maybe a weird underground sex club at Shades of Green. But this was funny, too.