WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Pentagon’s inspector general announced today an investigation into whether or not a group of Navy SEALs committed fraud by spending several hundred thousand dollars on expensive hotels and other items during what they claimed was a month-long mission to search for Al Qaeda operatives in the Bahamas.
The small island chain east of Florida has no known connections with the terrorist organization, terrorism in general, or the Middle East.
The sailors of SEAL Team 11 allegedly concocted a fake mission to the island resort last December, based off of what they described as “classified intelligence, which shows a plan by Al Qaeda to smuggle two radiological devices to the islands in preparation for use against Miami.”
Investigators now believe that the alleged Al Qaeda operation was really the plot of the movie Thunderball.
Once SEAL Team 11 arrived in Nassau, they undertook several weeks of “elaborate reconnaissance”, searching various beaches, reefs, surf shops, casinos, strip clubs, and luxury penthouse suites for any sign of terrorism before declaring the mission a success.
On their way back to Dam Neck Annex in Virginia, their plane was also somehow diverted to Las Vegas, Nevada, for an additional week of repairs.
Pentagon spokesman John Able said that rumors of the trip had been circulating for months, but only recently were investigators able to pinpoint the unit and mission.
“Our first tip-off was when we saw the gear list for the mission. Usually members of our Special Warfare Development Group ask for things like weapons and ammunition, communications gear, night vision goggles, and so on.”
“SEAL Team 11 asked for three seabags full of money, twenty cases of champagne, and an unlimited line of credit for both the blackjack table at the Caribbean Club Casino and what is believed to be an escort service.”
While not as well-known as its more famous cousin SEAL Team 6, SEAL Team 11 has an equally-long, but less-distinguished, history with the US military.
Formed during the Vietnam War, SEAL Team 11 conducted countless long-range patrols looking for North Vietnamese army units in the Saigon Red-light district, supported the failed Desert One rescue mission from a Kuwaiti luxury hotel, and spent the months following the September 11 terrorist attacks securing Disney World from any Al Qaeda plots.
In fact, the movie Three Kings was loosely based off a SEAL Team 11 mission in Desert Storm.
Pentagon officials have now vowed to investigate other questionable SEAL Team 11 missions, such as a six-month hunt for Usama bin Laden in Monte Carlo, training operations which suspiciously coincided with Mardi Gras and Oktoberfest, and multiple counter-terrorism missions to Atlantic City.
Members of SEAL Team 11 declined all requests to be interviewed, and a Duffel Blog reporter trying to reach them at Dam Neck Annex was guided away from top secret training in preparation for their next mission, which appeared at a distance to consist of pounding the drum beat from Wipe Out onto a surfboard.