Follow Duffel Blog:

PrevNext
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

TAMPA, FL – In light of recent revelations concerning CIA Director David Petraeus’ extra marital affair, several gentlemen’s clubs in the Tampa Metro area have begun looking for female biographers to work in their establishments.

David “Cheech” Robinisi, manager of the Bottoms Up Club on Adamo Drive in Tampa told the Duffel Blog that this was a mark of changing consumer attitudes.

“Let’s be honest. Guys have known for 50 or 60 years the girls were lying when they said they were working their way through college. More likely they were working their way through a few ounces of coke with their boyfriends. But now,” he continued, “I mean what the hell, a four star general doing the nasty with his ‘biographer’ gives the whole thing a little class.”

One customer who asked only to be identified as “Dave,” a Chief Petty Officer in the Navy, is a regular at the Chicken Strips club on Dale Mabry Road and appreciated the new legitimacy the term afforded the clubs.

“I used to have to come up with all sorts of things to tell my wife,” Dave said, “Now I just tell her I’m getting together with some friends who are writing the biography of a noted American military figure and BOOM… I’m out of the house for six hours.”

Other customers were not as impressed. “Sammy” a young Marine, was asked if he knew the girl giving him a lap dance was actually a full-time biographer and only danced on the side. “Dude, leave me the hell alone! OK!” was his only comment.

“I used to tell them I was in law school,” said Champagne, a dancer at the Cherry Bomb Club. “But no one believed it. Now, since I’m a ‘biographer’ I get to ask them all sorts of questions about themselves. My tips have actually gone up.”

Liberty Bell, a dancer at Skintastics, agreed. “Before it was such a hassle because we had to act like we cared who these guys were at the same time we’re wrestling with a snake or something. Now I just have a pencil and a notebook in my g-string and these guys can’t stop handing me twenties and telling me who their 3rd grade teachers were.”

“Cheech” was realistic about the whole trend.

“I’ve been at this game a long time. I remember after the whole Monica Lewinsky deal when we all thought we were going to rich calling all the girls ‘Interns.’ That didn’t last more than 3 months. This will eventually blow over and then we’ll have to be revert back to calling them social liaisons.”