Ghost of Chesty Puller ‘Won’t Shut The Fuck Up’, Complains Ghost of Dan Daly G-Had November 10, 2012 Marine Corps 34 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: THE STREETS OF HEAVEN – Trying to sit down for a quiet brew in Tun Tavern, the ghost of Dan Daly complained that once again the ghost of Chesty Puller “doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up.” “We’re supposed to be guarding the streets up here, and I know our seventh general order is ‘talk to no one except in the line of duty,’” said Daly. “But there he goes, running his mouth to every new angel we get up here.” “Hi, I’m Chesty Puller. I won five Navy Crosses,” mimicked Daly in a girlish falsetto. “Shit, I’ve got one of those… right next to my TWO Medals of Honor.” “Blah blah blah, Japanese hordes on Guadalcanal. Blah blah blah, Chinese hordes in Korea,” Daly continued, mimicking Puller. “Wow, because I wouldn’t know anything about Chinese hordes, like when I was single-handedly killing dozens of them in Peking during the Boxer Rebellion.” “And I don’t recall having on-call artillery or airpower to back me up.” The ghosts of other famous Marines reluctantly agreed that someone needs to take Puller out to the tree line, especially after Daly complained, “Come on you sons of bitches, do you want to have to listen to this shit forever?” “War is a racket,” said the ghost of Smedley Butler, “but not half the racket that asshole makes every night.” While some Marine ghosts have defended Puller, the most vocal critics are usually former Marines who served with Puller and died under his command. Their views are echoed by a rare survivor, John Basilone. “Chesty was my CO on [Guadalcanal],” Basilone said, reflecting on the 1942 battle, “and I’ve noticed that most of this pro-Chesty Puller crowd never actually served under him. I always ask our new arrivals if they’ve ever met a Chesty Puller Marine, and they usually say, ‘No’.” “There’s a good reason for that,” Basilone added, before screaming: “HE GOT THEM ALL KILLED!” Other Marine ghosts from earlier conflicts think the controversy over Puller is just “a bunch of boots whining,” in the words of the ghost of John Mackie. “I was the first Marine to ever be awarded the Medal of Honor, and what do I get? The worst barracks in the Marine Corps named after me,” complained Mackie, whose namesake graces Marine Corps Base Hawaii’s Mackie Hall, not far from a river of sewage called “shit creek” by its residents. “Marines need to just harden the fuck up.” “Yeah, I’m sure Guadalcanal was real bad,” chimed in the ghost of Littleton Waller. “Trapped in the jungle for weeks, literally running out of food, having to shoot our native guides when they mutinied. Oh wait, that was Samar, which nobody even remembers anymore.” The ghost of John Quick said that as bad as Puller’s constant bragging is, things could be worse. “It’s always hell to get these historical legends, with their PR machine and laundry list of extraordinary achievements, who think they have the right to just come up here and jump the chain of command,” said Quick. “At least Al Gray isn’t dead yet.” Duffel Blog investigative writer Dark Laughter also contributed to this report. Cesar Ruiz says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Holy shit that was hilarious. Ron Allsbury says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Happy Birthday to all Marines and have a great Veterans day. Bob Houston says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM nice Eric Wilson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Epic, Just Epic. Robert Osbeck says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Holy shit, that’s funny! Randy Broadhead says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM I lived in Mackie hall. that place is a dump. But to who ever wrote this “Your Awesome!” David Wright says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM This is funny! Read on fellow Marines. Eric Stephens says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM That’s hilarious. Well done. Kevin Ackley says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Dang, I even snorted a few times reading this. Very funny. YAT YAS Frank Tait says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM For all the Marines in family and friends – NSFW – but funny – Happy Birthday Marines! Greg Seth says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Goodnight. Wherever you are. Joe Ezell says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Not to mention Brute Krulak probably running around telling everyone he should’ve been Commandant. Wait a second, he should’ve been. Bazooka Joe says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Rot Roh….somebody’s going to git the ghost of Chesty Puller’s boot up their ass. Maybe now, maybe when they report for Guard Duty in Heaven, but they WILL get Chesty’s ghostly boot up their ass! HAPPY 237th, MARINES! Steve Wilson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Has anyone thought about hiring one of those paranormal-type douchebags to maybe hold a seance and ask Chesty to maybe keep it down a little? What? It won’t work because they’re already passed over into the light? They’re already in heaven? Well, how the fuck do you know, Mr. Voice in my Head? Oh. Well, have they discussed posting Chesty out at the Lighting-Bolt Dump? Post number 4? I mean, it’s a long way from Mainside, and I bet Daly and Mackie couldn’t hear him from there. There ain’t shit out there but coyotes and scorpions. What’s that, Voice in my Head? Go choke myself? Is that you, R. Lee Ermey? Is this me? Michael Mikulovsky says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Pretty Damn funny! Semper fi Tommy Savage says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Outstanding Evan Wilson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Oh holy hell…I think Duffle Blog just crossed that line. Sim Taylor says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Oh dear GOD………….THAT is absolutely SACRELIGOUS…..On a NUMBER of different levels………..And absolutely HALARIOUS! SEMPER FI! Ervikar Von Glocken says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Stand gentlemen! He served on Samar! Gary D. Alexander says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Whoever these guys are…. they know their Corps’ history to a “T”–damned funny. But there will always be more USMC bumper stickers and decals than all the other branches combined. Sean McCarty says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Never understood the USMCs obsession with Puller, the guy who accused the undermanned, under equipped, and grossly outnumbered Army task force that basically saved the 1st MD from being cut off and destroyed at Chosin of cowardice, when there’s much more deserving USMC personal to idolize. Dan Sparks says: December 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM Keep taunting those ghosts and see if they don’t start haunting you blasphemous assholes while you walk firewatch at 0300… Maria Sanders says: November 13, 2012 at 2:34 PM I guess I’m no lady then… leftoftheboom says: November 10, 2012 at 6:43 PM Since I am not a Marine, I have no idea who these guys are. But if he keeps it up, call BG Darby and he will straighten them out. Maria Sanders says: November 10, 2012 at 4:28 PM LOL WQuering says: November 10, 2012 at 2:51 PM Humble as always, Dan didn’t mention his Navy Cross and the Croix de Guerre. Al Gray says: November 10, 2012 at 2:33 PM Well I had a building named after me when I was still alive.