‘Accused Faker’ Marine Guarding School To Receive Honorary Promotion
MODESTO, CA – The top Marine general has announced that he will give former Marine recruit Craig Pusley an honorary promotion to the rank of sergeant for his “outstanding and excellent service” while “singlehandedly and meritoriously” wearing a Marine uniform while standing around at a California school.
General James “Tamer” Amos, speaking to Duffel Blog, said that Pusley deserves the honor despite questions concerning his prior service and accusations that he lied for publicity and sex, the latter of which may be prosecutable in California as “rape by fraud.”
Calling Pusley’s performance “the best thing to happen to the Marine Corps all year,” General Amos described the picture taken of Pusley as embodying the Marine Corps values of ‘honor, courage, and commitment’.
General Amos said he hopes that the rest of the Marine Corps learns a lesson from Pusley’s leadership.
“Here we have a former recruit, who couldn’t even finish boot camp, and yet he looks more squared away in his uniform than a lot of actual Marines,” said Amos.
“He’s clean-shaven, his boots are properly bloused, and he even had creases in his cammie trousers! … creases!” Amos said, marveling at the now-famous picture which is prominently displayed on the Marine Corps website, alongside a story about surviving deployment separation, when Marines are separated from their families to fight the wars Pusley may have sometimes seen on television.
Amos added that Pusley showed the kind of common sense he believes many active-duty Marines lack.
“As soon as he’s being photographed, what does he do? He doesn’t pull his dick out. He doesn’t fly a Nazi flag. He doesn’t piss on a body. He doesn’t go online and blog about how he hates the president. For a man who never sat through a single safety brief or annual training class on sensitivity, his conduct was top notch!”
“The only thing that bothered me about the picture was I didn’t see any actual Marines taking the time to stand guard there that day. I don’t know if they were overseas doing whatever, or training, or pretending to work. But I know where they weren’t … they weren’t in front of a California school getting photographed by the national press in a way to make us look unbelievably awesome.”
Amos says that he plans to have the Assistant Commandant write another Commandant’s White Letter soon, to which Amos plans to add a personalized note at the end expressing his desire that all Marines emulate Pusley’s example.
“This picture is what I want my commandancy to be remembered for,” he added.
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