Follow Duffel Blog:

FORT BLISS, TX – A change of command ceremony recently ended in a disgusting and repulsive mess of semen and fecal matter, sources confirmed today.

Over two hundred soldiers were present and forced to stand in formation for several hours while multiple officers talked incessantly about how amazing they all were. What they didn’t expect was their day of extraordinary fun would end in a flurry of sodomy.

Sergeant James Prost was present when the events occurred and described the disturbing scene.

“I was standing in the third row of my company formation trying to resist the urge to slit my own throat with my Gerber during the ceremony. I hoped it’d all be over in under three hours, but around hour four I seriously was doubting that any of us would ever be leaving that building,” said Prost to reporters. “That’s when something I only joked about happening occurred.”

He began to tremble in disgust, and vomited on the ground. “Fuck man. It’s just, the fucking outgoing Battalion Commander and the incoming Battalion Commander were handing the guidon from the Command Sergeant Major to the Brigade Commander when I noticed they all had huge boners. I knew they were all really into each other but, shit, this was extreme.”

Other witnesses described a similar scene in detail.

“Once the new Battalion CO had the guidon, he handed it back to the CSM, but instead of taking it in his hands, he uh, turned around and dropped trou. Shit just got out of hand real quick,” said Specialist Ryan Lang. “The new Battalion CO was sodomizing the CSM with the spiked end of the guidon and the BC and old CO started jerking each other off. I wanted to fucking throw up and leave but I knew I couldn’t break formation.”

Witnesses report that the officers were complimenting each other on how well they’d done their jobs while they slowly stroked each other’s fully erect penises. Reports have also shown that the entire BN staff joined in the orgy, taking turns sodomizing, being sodomized, and performing fellatio on higher ranking officers. By the end of the ceremony, the entire room had disintegrated from an orderly procedure of military tradition to a near pagan ritual of self-gratification.

The orgy took a turn for the worse when the BC awarded Bronze Stars to the entire Battalion staff. Military Police were called in to contain the sexcapade to the building until the officers were spent.

Specialist Link Perry, a chemical and biological warfare soldier of the BN’s headquarters unit, was tasked with cleaning up the mess after the orgy.

“This was the most foul mess I’ve ever seen, and I worked at Taco Bell for six years. You ever heard of a Santorum? That stuff was everywhere. I threw up into my pro-mask at least twice. I had to burn my J-LIST [The Army Chemical suit]. They better not charge me for that shit, literally.”

The new and former Battalion Commanders could not be reached for comment as they were busy presenting awards to each other for “meritorious service” in the orgy that was “keeping in the finest traditions of the United States Army.”