Military To Stop Adding Saltpeter to Chow Ron February 15, 2013 News 22 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: PrevNextUse your ← → (arrow) keys to browse WASHINGTON, DC – Boot Camp just got a little bit harder. Military officials announced that Basic Training dining facilities will stop adding saltpeter to their meals, as part of sweeping efforts to reduce dangerous substances in troops’ diets. The switch to saltpeter-free food is scheduled for March 1. Saltpeter, or potassium nitrate, is an ionic salt added to rocket propellants, fireworks, and fertilizer. In the military, it has been used for centuries as a food additive that suppresses libido. “Saltpeter’s job is to keep erections down, but we determined that any benefits were outweighed by its potential to cause cancer, glandular issues, and disorders of the reproductive system,” said COL Germaine Thompson, a public health researcher at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. The practice of adding saltpeter to troops’ food began during the Revolutionary War, according to Michael Blackstone, military historian and author of the bestselling Guns, Germs, and Whores. “If you look at some paintings from the time, you’ll see evidence of raging, uncontrollable erections,” Blackstone said. “There’s one depiction of a visibly disgusted General Washington inspecting his ranks and noticing the bulges.” “That’s about the time when the Continental Army decided it needed to do something,” Blackstone added. Saltpeter was originally added to all troops’ food, but after the Korean War, the practice was limited only to basic training dining facilities. Some groups have criticized the Pentagon for the upcoming change, claiming that it stems from the recent decision to allow homosexuals to serve in the military. “Now that we got the gays, the DoD don’t want to impinge [sic] on their rights to get all turned on when they see other dudes,” said SPC Frank Alvarado, a paratrooper from the 101st Air Assault Division. “I don’t care what you do in private,” Alvarado said, “but you come looking at me in the shower with a giant boner, I’m gonna double-leg you and ground and pound you. You’re gonna wish you ate some saltpecker [sic].” Thompson denied any such motive. “A soldier, sailor, Marine, or airman not distracted by sex can concentrate solely on being a better servicemember,” Thompson said. “In fact, gays in the military are those who need saltpeter the most, being surrounded by sexy dudes and all.” The policy change is expected to have a significant effect on the U.S. economy. Thousands of miners, factory workers, and truck drivers will lose their jobs, and saltpeter-related stocks are anticipated to take a sharp dive. Dress uniforms will also have to be altered to allow extra room in the crotch, to accommodate what clothes manufacturers refer to as the “husband bulge.” The uniform change alone will cost the military upwards of $450 million. Nevertheless, Thompson stands by the military’s decision. “In the end, we have to do the right thing,” Thompson said, “and in this case, the right thing is to let our boys be healthy, strong, and stiff as a guidon pole.” Jay Zimmerman says: June 15, 2014 at 8:44 PM Oh, thank you! Finally a good decision being made….. adding crotch room to our dress blues LOL. Now about those 13 buttons….. Gotta love the DuffelBlog. Eric East says: June 9, 2014 at 10:59 AM It might not be saltpeter they add, but there is something. I actually managed to get an erection once 3/4 through boot camp in the USMC. I woke up in the middle of the night with it, everyone was asleep so I jerked quietly while the former ahole squad leader, who lost his job for being a tit, was sleeping in the bunk above. It came out with the viscosity of water and there was a lot of it. I used the aholes face towel that hung on our shared bunk to clean up. True story. Téil Kim says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM I FUCKING KNEW IT! Jerry Beingesser says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM Never volunteer and don’t eat the potatoes. Patrick Conway says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM I remember waking up with no woodie. Erich Maria de Villiers says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM Last thing we need are grunts falling in love with their bayonet frogs in the midst of battle. Abigail Nartey says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM funny how Jason Jones says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM this site is legit. Mike Harris Sr. says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM I hear they may stop serving chow. David L Blanton says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM Another suspect rumor monger publisher. The military putting saltpeter (potassium nitrate) is blatantly false. Patrick Kerr says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM I thought the part about the paratrooper from the 101st was the funniest part. We all know those don’t exist. Rob Masi says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM “Being surrounded by sexy dudes and all”- by far the funniest part. I didn’t know about the saltpeter thing until about a year out of boot. Until I found out, I thought I was the straightest dude in the whole world Jerome Dingle says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM This is H I Larious. And to look below and read comments I can’t believe folks believe stuff on here. LOL. John MasterGuns Lewis says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM That’s going to make it hard for a lot of guys. Allen Everett Richards says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM They are playing with fire! Although I like the idea of added crotch space in Dress Blues. Larry Lambert says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM This is not the rumor that I heard. I’m not suggesting that Duffle Blog is wrong. Only that with DADT in full force and effect, I’ve heard that the straight soldiers are having a ‘cocktail’ of Rohypnol and GHB added to their evening chow to ‘calm them down’ so that they can relax during evening hours. Gay and transgender troopers receive a different food allotment containing Sildenafil citrate in an attempt to generate a feeling of camaraderie with their straight NCO’s in particular. Justin E. Miller says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM That tag line made the article. I was laughing right from “Boot camp just got a little harder.” Stewart La Roche says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM Thats some funny shit right there John Peters says: May 19, 2014 at 12:25 PM Don’t drop your soap!