SAN DIEGO, CA – The executive-officer of one of the Navy’s esteemed Wasp class ships, the USS Boxer, has recently come under criticism because of a ranting email he sent off to ship members last month.
Cdr. Jerry Dominick, who is currently underway with the ship and its crew, is having to stave off questions from top Navy brass after the controversial email, which was sent to the ship’s 1,009 enlisted crewmembers, was posted online — causing it to quickly go viral.
In the email, Dominick castigates the sailors for their lackluster social interaction with the 1,000 Marines of the 13th MEU who are serving on the amphibious assault carrier. His main complaint appears to be about their conduct during the ship’s “steel beach” parties, a shipboard morale-building function where sailors and Marines are forced to interact with each other on a vessel’s flight deck while eating expired food and playing elementary-level games.
The 750 word email goes as follows:
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking sail. For those of you that have your heads stuck under your racks, which apparently is the majority of this ship, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of steel beach parties and general social interactions with the Marines. I’ve been getting texts on texts about sailors LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Commander Dominick, I’ve been having so much fun with my ship-mates this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you in your berthing to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and the 13th MEU does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your ship-mates. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to ship-mates, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Navy-Marine Corps community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our Marines. Newsflash you stupid cunts: MARINES DON’T LIKE BORING SAILORS. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: THE MARINES ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.
This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about hanging around at a different part of the ship IN FRONT OF OUR 13TH MEU COMRADES. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to any more steel beach events.
If the 13th MEU openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite the USS Peleliu over,” would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be hanging out with other Marine units, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that unit. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other ship-mates to leave with you.
“But Commander Dominick!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our Marines in Afghanistan, doesn’t that count for something?” I will fucking cock kick the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you request mast with me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
“Ohhh Commander Dominick, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad.” Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little fuckluck that stands in the p-way during the ship’s fun time or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during steel beach parties, this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S STEEL BEACH PARTY. I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have scurvy where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS SHIP. I would rather have 500 sailors that are fun, talk to Marines, and not fucking awkward than 1,000 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to Marines I’m too sober,” then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in the fleet, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our ship. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s steel beach, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself. Thank you for your service.
“This honestly doesn’t surprise me,” says Petty Officer 3rd Class Justin Lam, who works around Dominick’s quarters. “He really seems to have an unhealthy obsession with impressing Marines. He follows the MEU commander around like a little puppy and is always asking random Marines passing by if they’d like to play Playstation in his quarters.”
A Marine serving on the ship, who wished to remain anonymous, confirmed Lam’s statement.
“Yeah, that guy really creeps me out,” said the lance corporal. “I was working up in the Ward Room and I noticed him staring at my ass. He was breathing really heavily and asked me if I wanted to go play video games with him in his room. He was all like, ‘It’s cool, little Devil Dude, we’ll just play some video games … maybe wrestle around a little bit. You can call me Uncle Jer.’ I got out of there as fast as I could.”
Navy leadership continues to stay mute about the email, but inside sources have told Duffel Blog that they’ve already taken actions to remove Dominick from his command.