NAVY: 100-Year-Old 'It's Not Gay If It's Underway' Directive Rescinded
A US Navy sailor just out for a morning stroll.
WASHINGTON, DC — Following a Pentagon study into homosexual acts committed by sexually-deprived soldiers on deployment, the Navy is quietly rescinding a century-old order commonly paraphrased as "It's not gay if it's underway," sources confirmed today.
The results of the study were met with outrage, particularly from the Chief’s Mess, which prides itself as a bastion of naval heritage.
“Those daggone suits in Washington just had to go and royally screw a fine Navy tradition,” said Chief John Phillips. “I bet not one of them could even tell you where the term ‘salty’ originated.”
Despite the controversy among sailors hoping to maintain tradition, Pentagon researchers have pushed back.
“Our research yielded astonishing results,” said Dr. Justin Butts. “Namely, that a homosexual act consummated in a fan room is exactly the same as one performed ashore in the continental United States.”
Studies conducted on forward-deployed surface vessels reveale…
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