'This Is The Most Important Training Of Your Career,' Says Chief Teaching Pointless Class
NORFOLK, VA — Junior sailors onboard the USS Wasp are listening intently as Damage Controlman Chief Jose Cortez stresses the importance of learning about something they will never hear about again, sources confirmed today.
“This is incredibly important,” Cortez says while holding up The Thing, a piece of equipment that isn't even worth describing in detail because, honestly, you're just there to sign your name to the attendance sheet. “Everything you do in the Navy will involve this in some way."
"Are you following me?" asks Cortez to a nodding class not paying any attention.
Listing off a few facts about The Thing, but not bothering to teach any sort of conceptual knowledge, Cortez tells the class they "will see this material again" — a telltale sign the sailors would not see the material again.
Sources confirm a clueless Seaman Apprentice in the front of the class was taking notes, too inexperienced to know he would never ever use The Thing. Every few months he might see a binder with T…
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