WASHINGTON — Confirming suspicions of Americans and Fox News contributors everywhere, Communist-in-Chief Barack Obama announced today that his plans to downsize the Defense Department in size and spending are singularly rooted in a heartfelt desire to allow the terrorists to win.

“I’m doing this because I hate America,” Obama told reporters. “Plain and simple.”

Indeed, last week, the president unveiled proposals that would shrink the Army to pre-World War II levels, slash a number of costly programs, and roll back some benefits to service members and their families. Speaking today from the White House briefing room, the president assured Americans that these proposals are strictly the result of a personal vendetta against freedom, one he hopes will pave the road for dozens of attacks on American soil in the years to come.

“Honestly, it’s time we took a knee in the War on Terrorism,” the president said. “It’s getting old, and who’s to say the jihadists are really even all that bad? I mean, have any of us ever gotten to know a jihadist?”