THE PENTAGON — Navy officials announced the extension of Navy SEAL training by one week, adding a grueling 40 hours of creative writing classes to the already intense selection program, Duffel Blog has learned.

The new course material would be introduced immediately, following the Land Warfare phase. After final combat testing, the sailors would move back to the Coronado training facility, where they would receive classroom instruction on the proper use of tense and first vs. third person narrative.

After demanding writing exercises, those SEALs who survive will move on to acting classes, where they will be drilled on how to look coolest when they star as themselves in a made-for-TV movie. They will then be put through two days of mock TV interviews, simulating an intense book promotion tour.