BAGRAM AIRFIELD — Following the release of five high-ranking Taliban operatives in exchange for American prisoner of war Bowe Bergdahl two weeks ago, Air Force drone pilots have since been collectively champing at the bit, and according to several sources, are only “two Monsters and a Doritos binge” shy of working themselves into a “click-and-kill” frenzy.

With the drawdown in Afghanistan and surgical airstrikes fewer and further between, numerous drone pilots told reporters they enthusiastically approve of the Taliban detainee release. Many have lamented the lull in action and expressed a desire to return to the “good ol’ days downrange.”

“Nyah, listen here, nyah,” said Capt. Jeb Jacobs, slurping a glistening, six-inch string of drool back into his mouth, “I didn’t join up just to sit around in some chair all day!”

Jacobs, a Level 86 Blood Elf, then excused himself to resume a particularly arduous quest, explaining the importance of “stretching the legs and getting out and about in the World [of Warcraft].”