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Ex-Pentagon Janitor Writes Tell-All Book Roasting Leon Panetta

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A former Pentagon janitorial supervisor has become the latest D.C. insider to criticize his former boss with the release of an explosive tell-all book highlighting a Defense Department he characterized as having a lack of leadership and inability to function in a high-stakes foreign policy environment, Duffel Blog has learned.

The book “Worthy Spills” by Jesus Lopez is set to be released next week, detailing former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta’s eating habits, his secretary’s domestic snacking issue, and even includes a highly-critical anecdote claiming that Panetta spilled coffee all over the floor during the mission to eliminate Osama bin Laden, and he didn’t even put down so much as a napkin to mop some of it up.

Lopez, who received a certificate of achievement signed by current Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel following his retirement last month after 20 years, says he has always been an “honest, straight talking kind of guy,” and just wanted the real story to be told.

Critics have already slammed Lopez for what many believe is a blatant attempt to make money off his political patron as soon as the threat of being fired was removed. However, supporters have used the same argument, claiming that Lopez’s privileged position in Panetta’s inner circle prevented him from telling the truth during his time at the Pentagon.

Most damning of all is the allegation that Panetta didn’t even care about the current crisis facing the Pentagon janitorial staff, revealed in the exclusive excerpt below:

It was about three in the morning. I had just walked into a pile of garbage in the Executive Break room, and once again we were out of trash bags. General Petraeus had been on another one of his twinkie benders, and debris was everywhere. I knew he was a four-star general, but the man was a human train wreck. So there I was, arms full of trash and suddenly the Secretary of Defense walks in looking for a snack. He asked me how I was doing and I told him about the problem. Instead of saying he’ll take care of it Panetta just rolled his eyes and said “Really? I have two wars to run.”

Republicans have seized on the book’s claims as another example of failure within the Obama Administration, and many Democrats have expressed fears the book would hurt their chances during the mid-term congressional elections.

White House and Pentagon higher-ups have also been quick to refute Lopez’s claims, though not addressing the book directly.

“While many former officials seem to think it’s okay to release a book slamming your boss as soon as you retire,” said Vice President Joe Biden, in another apparent off-the-cuff “gaffe” in response to the book. “Maybe they should be worrying about their green-card renewal application status instead.”

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Anonymous
Guest

…and it was STILL a better love story than Twilight!!!

Dusty Larson
Guest

I think it’s a joke about how people in relatively low positions think they know everything i.e., guys who did 1 enlistment and think they’re foreign policy experts.

Tina McCann
Guest

Thank you for a good laugh!!

Kelli Couch
Guest
I read on another blog that there’s a tell-all book from the housekeeper that handled things at the White House during the Clinton years who says she’s got a lot of secrets to discuss, like the time Bill received his infamous taint injury from Hilary. Word was that the injury was sustained after an all night binge drinking party involving Hilary, Leon Panetta, Bill, and Chuck “U” Schumer when a fight broke out over Bill not putting the toilet paper on the roll properly… the housekeeper, Rosa Rodriguez Gonzales has a totally different memory of the event, and it’s reportedly… Read more »
Josh Noble
Guest

And this guy knows a thing or two about dirt.

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