QUANTICO, Va. — A human turd, the location of which baffled Secret Service, Marines and presidential staffers for years, surfaced this morning during scheduled maintenance of Marine One, Duffel Blog has learned. The turd, suspected to have been shat in 2000 by then-First Lady Hillary Clinton, was never found and was a legend among those who served the president in the years to follow.

On Sunday however, HMX-1 maintenance staff say the turd finally revealed itself after it dropped onto a white hangar floor at Naval Air Station Patuxent River, Md.

"I suppose it's been hanging there above the holding tanks for the last 15 years," claimed Sikorsky engineer Benjamin Kelly. "I can't quite figure out the trajectory, but the best I can come up with is the First Lady just kind of had an explosion, and it went sideways and stuck."