ISIS Veteran Creates Line of Militant-Themed Apparel

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RAQQA, Syria — A group of ISIS veterans who launched their own militant-themed apparel company are making waves in Syria and Iraq — and Pentagon officials are nervous.

Since April 2015, Raqqa Up Apparel has been selling t-shirts, shemaghs, burqas, and other custom accessories faster than it can print them, according to founder Musawwir Mus'ad, a 32-year old ISIS veteran of the Iraq and the Syrian Civil War.

“I saw how the infidels [Americans] were so quick to show support for their soldiers through t-shirt and sticker purchases, rather than through legislating things like medical care and housing, and realized that there was a similar gap here in the Islamic State,” Mus'ad told reporters. “And it was just like an oil lamp flickered on in my head.”

ISIS veterans have since flocked to the company's website to purchase shirts bearing such slogans as:

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

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