THE PENTAGON – The Islamic State has developed a new, incredibly effective way to safeguard their communications, according to intelligence sources. By putting the phrase “Star Wars Spoiler” in message headers, the group has essentially eliminated any chance of their messages being read by United States intelligence services even if they are intercepted.

“It’s been three days since any of us have had any intelligence at all on ISIS maneuvers and plans,” Capt. Mark Newman, Army intelligence officer, said in an interview. “We’re trying to put people who have seen the movie on the rotator out to the sandbox, but that’s pretty much making everyone lie about whether or not they’d seen Episode VII.”

Reporters have been unable to see any of the classified intelligence reports, not because Edward Snowden didn’t leak them, but because much of the staff has not seen Episode VII yet either. The ISIS Twitter account, however, was more difficult to avoid looking at.

“*STAR WARS SPOILER:* We will be attacking FOB Alpha tomorrow from the west with 14 men at exactly 4:05 PM local time,” as one tweet said.