Terminally Ill Make-a-Wish Child Accused Of Stolen Valor

Bronze Star
Capt. Steven Banks, deployed May 22, 2011 to December 2011, as the DHS attach in Iraq receives the Bronze Star Tuesday, June 26, 2012 at the Portsmouth Federal Building. Banks received the fourth-highest combat decoration for his performance in transitioning border security advisory responsibilities from the U.S. Forces-Iraq to the Iraqi government.

DULLES AIRPORT, Va. – In the latest case of veterans exposing and shaming military imposters without error, six year-old terminally-ill Cancer patient and Make-A-Wish participant Timmy Smith was confronted by two U.S. Army infantrymen yesterday afternoon at Washington Dulles International Airport.

“Me and Eddie saw that short little faker walk past with a combat infantryman badge,” said Sgt. James Nellis, one of the two infantrymen on leave from Fort Bragg. “No way that little bitch boy could shoulder a ruck and live through a firefight so we went running after him and started screaming ‘Stolen Valor’ in his lying, smug, little pale face.”

The child, who participated in training exercises with the 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment at Fort Benning as part of his Wish, was wearing his child-sized Army Combat Uniform that his parents purchased from the base exchange. In the airport with a ear-to-ear smile and a newfound positive outlook on the three weeks he had left to live, Smith, with his cancer-stricken shell of a body, walked past two infantrymen.

“I recorded the whole thing on my phone,” said Sgt. Edward Seebring, holding up an iPhone 6 in an olive drab OtterBox case. “While we screamed at that shit-stain, I wanted to make sure we got the whole internet on his tiny, bad-posture, fakin’ ass.”

In the video, Smith can be seen crying uncontrollably after Nellis rips the hook-and-loop fastener rank of Sgt. 1st Class off his chest. Nellis and Seebring then repeatedly spat upon Smith with thick phlegm accented with barracks respiratory illness discharge and Monster Energy drinks.

The two sergeants went on to mock and publicly embarrass Smith and in no way embarrass themselves, the non-commissioned officer corps, the Army, or the Department of Defense, according to the group Veteran Justice Warriors, which prides itself on making veteran issues the only matter of importance, ever.

“Is that dicksoup haircut in regulation?” said Nellis referring to Smith’s chemotherapy-ravaged hair. “Do you even know what the Army regulation governating [sic] uniform wear and appearance is called?” Seebring demanded.

Proudly walking away after surely doing the right thing, Nellis and Seebring were excited to send their encounter to Stolen Valor, a popular Facebook page that exposes military service fakers. “Yeah, we got that stolen valor faking fuck!” said Nellis. “Cashiering that jabroni of his rank was a baller move, battle,” exclaimed Seebring.

Bystanders who witnessed the incident definitely left the scene with a positive impression of the soldiers’ professionalism and sense of judgment. Onlookers went about their business comforted by Nellis and Seebring’s efforts to preserve the integrity of the uniform, honor the service of those that came before them, and salute the blood spilled by the Airborne Ranger in the sky.


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4 Comments

  1. So that’s your idea of humor ‘eh? Typical duffle blog BS.
    Couldn’t hack it as a jarhead…an’t even write worthwhile humorous satire.

  2. I am surprised those NCO’s allowed that little faker to live out the rest of his miserable existence, guessing living out the shame of Stolen Valor if only for 3 weeks was better than a mercy killing. Well at least I’m pretty sure that only two NCO’s could take out the kid, however he did train with the 75th Rangers… so it’s really a coin toss who would’ve won.

    • I’m pretty sure that the kid would’ve won. Part because of the 75th Ranger training, part because, the absolute worst person to fight is fighting someone who has absolutely nothing at all to lose.
      I’ve heard that since, both NCO’s are now joint NCOIC’s of the burn pit, where their quarters are now co-located.

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