BOULDER, Colo. — Peering over his white picket fence, wearing a red flannel shirt, Stetson, and leather boots, retired Sgt. Maj. Michael Wilson, now a small business owner in Colorado, reports that life after the military has “shattered the very foundation” of what he “believed to be true about freedom in America.”

“When I was a new private, only seventeen, I remember my drill sergeant putting his boot on my head, pushing my face into the mud, and telling me that I had no rights, that I was his bitch, and that I had to earn my freedom,” Wilson said with a hint of nostalgia.

“For 35 years I believed freedom was earned, not given,” Wilson continued. “But then I retired and discovered the truth: freedom is free for everyone in America, and it’s fucking awesome.”

Wilson, who recently opened a marijuana smoke shop called “Float To Blaze Town,” spoke while stroking a wild, unkempt beard.