Navy to build USS Thanks Obama for deployment to every disaster

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WASHINGTON — The Navy announced today it would build and commission the USS Thanks Obama, a new frigate that will be used solely for rapid deployment to disasters around the world.

“We want to honor our president and thank him for all his hard work,” said Navy Secretary Ray Mabus. “While at the same time, fielding a ship that is more than capable of deploying to hotspots he has sternly tweeted about.”

The planned ship will be an updated design of the Littoral Combat Ship — which many view as one of the best ships in the Navy — though it will have integrated solar panels as its main power source. The USS Thanks Obama will also be put on the water long before its ready and will be billions over budget, in keeping with both Obama administration and Navy tradition.

The Thanks Obama will also have a more modern galley filled with vegan options, a gym that plays “Let’s Move” videos on repeat, and a medical facility with state-of-the-art waiting rooms.

Mabus also said it would be the first ship equipped with a magazine of six auxiliary captains onboard, for rapid firing and replacement.


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4 Comments

  1. Retro-fitting the solar panels was a stupid idea. Austal should design them in from the keel up!

  2. …and all exterior hatches will be screen doors in order that the crew might be more environmentally conscious of their impact on the ecology at all times.

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