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Obama releases Guantanamo detainees to make room for Syrian refugees

WASHINGTON — President Obama has released 15 detainees from the Guantanamo Bay detention center to make room for incoming waves of Syrian refugees, sources confirmed.

This was the second major announcement regarding embarrassing detainees this year.

The White House has struggled for years to develop a response to the Syrian refugee crisis.

“It’s tough to find them a home,” Secretary of State John Kerry explained. “Portland was over capacity with unemployed hipsters, Florida was filled up with the Jews, and don’t even get me started on Detroit.”

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