Boot camp graduate ready for first car, marriage

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SAN DIEGO — Recent Marine Corps boot camp graduate Pvt. Thomas Leary, who has never owned an automobile and until several weeks ago did not even have his own checking account, is now ready for marriage, according to sources close to the 18-year-old.

“Tommy is so excited to be out on his own,” Leary’s mother Barbara told reporters. “He’s been browsing cars to buy ever since we picked him up,” referring to the 2017 Ford Raptor truck that her son was preparing to purchase at a 19.3% interest rate.


“But I think Tommy’s got a certain something else on his mind as well,” she remarked with a gleam in her eye, adding that her son was “so mature for his age.”

Leary’s longtime friend Joshua Caldwell, who journeyed from Texas for the graduation ceremony, believes his friend will soon make a "proper wife of Andrea," his 17-year-old girlfriend.

"They been together a while now” Caldwell said of the couple, who began dating after the senior prom five months ago. “She’s good for him, and old Tom-boy knows he ain’t getting’ any younger.”

“Well, the way I figure, now’s as good a time for marriage as there’s ever gonna be,” said the newly minted Marine, who does not know how a credit score works. “I’m a grown man now” added Leary, who is still more than two years away from being able to legally purchase alcohol, “and a man’s gotta settle down eventually.”

At press time, Leary had excused himself to pose for a photo with his bride-to-be Andrea and platoon-mate Bryan Smithfield, with whom Ms. Jernigan will later have an affair during Leary’s first deployment.