Corps-wide safety stand-down called for after Marine drowns in pussy

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MIAMI, FL – The Marine Corps’ top leadership has called for a Corps-wide safety stand-down after a Marine home on leave from boot camp died after drowning in pussy at a local basketball game, sources confirmed.

Pfc. Anthony Baker, 19, had just returned home to Miami on Sunday from the Parris Island recruit depot following his graduation with Platoon 1069 of 1st Recruit Training Battalion.


“We were so proud of him,” his mother April said between tears. "I just don’t understand how something like this could happen.”

Once Baker came home, he changed into his Marine Corps-issued dress blue uniform and went with a group of friends to a local basketball game.

But shortly after he arrived, a crowd of women raced toward the new Marine, thanking him for his service and whispering their gratitude in his ear. The crowd grew so large with students and mothers alike that the game had to be put on hold until referees could clear the court.

“It was quite an emotionally charged scene,” said Michael Goldman, one of the coaches. “My own wife and even some of the other female faculty members went down to express their appreciation.”

The crowd was then asked to move the display outside, and the game was allowed to continue.

“It wasn’t until about an hour and a half later when the game ended did anybody notice he hadn’t returned to his seat," Goldman said. "All of the women who had thanked him had returned one or two at a time throughout the game, but Baker just never came back.”

The Marine's body was found in the parking lot after the game, where medical professionals pronounced him dead from drowning-related asphyxia.

“We all know they do some really intense training in boot camp like crawling under barbed wire and hand-to-hand combat," said Miami-Dade Police Chief Daryl Winston. "Which would explain the numerous scratch and teeth marks to his neck, chest, back, and thighs. But what really gets me is that he drowned. It hasn’t rained in the Greater Miami Area in over a week, and the nearest body of water was over half a mile away.”

“He knew the risk he was taking when he signed the contract,” said Sgt. Emanuel Rodriguez, his recruiter. “I just know how rough of a time this can be for his family and friends. If you have any of their numbers I’d like to give them a call to see how they’re doing and if they want to talk about their future plans now that he’s gone.”