WASHINGTON — Following President Trump's abrupt dismissal of FBI Director James Comey, a relatively little-known French immigrant named Vladimierre Poutin has been appointed as his replacement, sources say.

The new appointment is a welcome salve in the wake of mass media panic over what many considered a gross abuse of executive power. Although never publicly confirmed, it was believed that Comey and the FBI were deep into an investigation of ties between the Trump administration and Russia, which, according to Poutin, "probably had nothing at all to do with [Comey] being fired."

Poutin, a French-born American who was naturalized in mid-2015, had a broad and diverse career in law enforcement. Though there don't appear to be any official records of his employment by the French government, some glued-together magazine clippings indicate that Mr. Poutine worked for the "Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti," which is translated from French in his resume as "League of Democratic Justice."