buried in sand

Army Teams Up With Whole Foods To Offer Non-GMO Soldiers

FORT BENNING — In response to the growing criticisms surrounding Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs), the Army has teamed up with long-time sustainability champion Whole Foods to offer organic, Non-GMO soldiers produced straight from infantry training,...
doctrine man

Gen. Dempsey Vows To Unmask The ‘Doctrine Man’

THE PENTAGON — Gen. Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has vowed to uncover the secret identity of the anonymous Army officer known as "Doctrine Man." "We've assigned a special task force designed to hunt down the Doctrine Man and...
Soldier Pours CLP

Soldier Hospitalized After Masturbating With CLP

FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — After complaining that his "dick pipe closed up," Pvt. Eric Draughter was admitted to Blanchfield Army Community Hospital early Wednesday where he was diagnosed with having Cleaner, Lubricant, and Protectant (CLP) in his...
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Ex-Wife Funds Wedding Weekend With Your SGLI

LAS VEGAS — Your ex-wife and new husband David Cargill were both spotted yesterday exchanging vows at "A Little White Wedding Chapel" in a Velocity Yellow 2015 Corvette Z06 convertible. Sources confirmed the sports car, along with a five carat diamond...