Navy stakes claim to contested Gays of Hormuz
Service says designation reflects ‘longstanding traditions’ in the fleet
3 min read
Marine Corps
Marines: solving every problem with either a knife hand or C4.
Marine dives on grenade to save Dow from falling below 50,000
Commandant praises sacrifice for ‘investor confidence’
2 min read
Pacific not pivoted to yet again
'I'm starting to think America doesn't care about Great Power Competition at all,' says Chinese defense minister
1 min read
Marine almost went finance but ‘would have punched a managing director’
"I almost got my MBA. Totally wanted to. But my dad wanted me to kill the enemies of America.”
4 min read
members
Military websites undergo annual update to make them worse
“We’re working hard to make the SIPR sites you need the most confusing piles of shit imaginable," an official said.
3 min read
Anonymous donor gives Pentagon 130 million cans of Skoal wintergreen to pay troops
Donation will “tide everyone over” until someone finds seven billion more cans
3 min read
members
Tracker S3A updates tracker that tracks tracker updates
Battalion leadership confident spreadsheet power will deter China.
3 min read
paid
Top 10 things you can’t buy because you're not getting paid
Congress assures troops that poverty builds character.
4 min read
members
Hegseth sets record for largest military D&D campaign ever
Hundreds of generals trapped at Quantico after DTS crash forced to role-play their way out.
4 min read
paid
General officer summit extended for K-Pop Demon Hunter singalong
Generals relieved it wasn’t a firing squad or Eyes Wide Shut reenactment
4 min read
members
Mattis emerges from time machine, horrified to learn Pete Hegseth is SecDef
General returns to find ICE in museums, POWs in Ukraine, and the Constitution on vacation.
4 min read
members
ICE deports Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps
2 min read
members
Noem visit to LA troops ends in gunfire, K-9 fatality
DHS Secretary insists dog was ‘out of regs and possibly liberal.’
2 min read
paid
US 'far behind in capabilities' being sold by retired general
The retired officer says that America is woefully under-resourced in a defense technology capability that is only sold by his company.
3 min read
paid
Neuralink placed in Marine crashes Pornhub
"I saw it all. All of Pornhub at once. I was, like, the god of porn for a minute.”
3 min read
paid
Duffel Blog presents: The 10 dumbest military phrases
"There’s no ‘I’ in team" but there are three 'U's in "shut the f--k up"
3 min read
paid
Pope dies rather than spend 15 more minutes with a POG
Anonymous clergy sources confirmed that Francis had reviewed Vance’s background and uttered the words “Not today, Satan."
3 min read
paid
Satan growing concerned he overpaid for JD vance’s soul
“I guess I thought there was more humanity to unravel with J.D.”
4 min read
paid
GWOT reenactors gather for disconnected violence, ill-conceived civil projects
Corners remain to be turned, contracts to be awarded
6 min read
paid
Theologians say God actually hates the infantry
"Look me in the eye and tell me God does not 100% revile the infantry."
2 min read
paid
Navy corpsman refuses to give Motrin, tourniquets
“I am making Havoc healthy again,” says Kennedy.
3 min read
paid
Department of government efficiency unable to find single chief warrant officer to fire
“You can’t fire me if you can’t find me,” read a note at the bottom of a coffee mug at Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune.
3 min read
paid
Local Marine recruiter fist fights Matt Gaetz over high school senior
"I have no idea why my former Congressman was here in a red convertible Mercedes."
3 min read
paid
SOF in crisis after POG terrorist stacks more bodies than career Green Beret
"Our nation expects only the best from SOF, including their transition to the crazed veteran life."
3 min read
paid
Marines honor J.D. Vance by bronzing locker they shoved him in during service
Uncommon valor with common storage.
2 min read
paid
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