ARCTIC SEA — The Coast Guard icebreaker USCGC Polar Star achieved a world first by drawing a sea penis north of the Arctic Circle, sources confirmed today.
“This thing was huge. I’m talking huge. Easily bigger than any wimpy looking sky penis out there. You can see it from space. That’s right. Space. We’ve tagged it on Google Earth and everything,” Polar Star Capt. Don Simmons told reporters.
The Coast Guard released over fifty pages worth of comments similar to that one, generally repeating the same sentiments of pride and going into detail to describe the achievement.
