BAGHDAD, Iraq — A new ISIS video is set to be released this week and Americans are "not going to like it," according to multiple sources in the intelligence community.
The video, which shows a member of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIS or ISIL) desecrating an American flag in a washing machine, was posted to jihadist chat rooms and is expected to be widely available on the internet by week’s end.
“You have a bumper sticker that says 'These colors do not run!'" the jihadist known as “Dearborn Dave” says to the camera. "But we have seen time and again, this is not true."
As he removes a flag from a Kenmore upright, he looks right into the camera and says, "Well, well, well, what have we here? The reds and blues have bled, like your soldiers, and now the whole thing is just, just purple!”
Sunni extremists believe purple to be the color of defeat for one of the many obscure, impenetrable reasons Islamists often cite. "Plus, it's a little gay," Dave says.
Dave continues addressing the audience, saying “For some reason, your Van Zants wrote a nonsensical song about it. Even our ignorant, illiterate wives know that colors must be kept separate, and washed in cold water.”