WASHINGTON — To help secure public safety and recruit new soldiers during anti-Donald Trump protests, the D.C. National Guard psychological operations branch deployed its recently-acquired arsenal of taco trucks, sources confirmed this morning.
“We received the trucks as soon Trump won the election,” said soon-to-be-fired, or maybe already-dismissed, or who knows Adjutant Gen. Errol Schwartz. “I thought Trump’s surrogate Marco Gutierrez was a fool with his racist comment about taco trucks on every corner. But our Psyop brains flipped the truck idea to bring in new recruits.”
Flanked by reporters, Schwartz apparently licked his lips in anticipation of some righteous tacos de pescado being served up on I Street beside burning cars.
