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Category: National Guard

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NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Maj. Gen. Terry Haston, the adjutant general for the Tennessee National Guard who ended and ruined several careers over a lighthearted reenlistment video featuring a puppet, has revealed that he was severely mistreated by a dinosaur puppet as a child, sources confirmed today. The T-rex puppet, worn by his uncle Steve and […]
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CAMP VARNUM, R.I. — A National Guardsman assigned to the 243rd Regional Training Institute Training Regiment missing and feared dead since Friday resurfaced after awakening in a Narragansett cave Sunday morning. Spc. Yeshua Christo, 33, vanished Friday after going out with friends to celebrate the end of their unit’s two week training cycle. He and a […]
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WASHINGTON — To help secure public safety and recruit new soldiers during anti-Trump protests, the D.C. National Guard psychological operations branch deployed its recently-acquired arsenal of taco trucks, sources confirmed this morning. “We received the trucks as soon Trump won the election,” said soon-to-be-fired, or maybe already-dismissed, or who knows Adjutant Gen. Errol Schwartz. “I thought Trump’s surrogate Marco Gutierrez was a fool with […]
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