Stephen Miller calls ICE on commissary baggers for asking him to tip
“He screamed that tipping was socialism and threw a can of creamed corn at the nearest enlisted kid.”
3 min read
As seen in
“It’s funny and says what a lot of us can’t really say out loud but are totally thinking.”
— ISAAC
“The real news sounds like satire, and I appreciate that y’all are out there skewering it in sharp, funny ways.”
— EMMA
"[They] do God’s work and I’ve been enjoying it for at least a decade.”
— RUSS
Join 20k+ Duffel Blog subscribers today 👇
Latest issues
True patriot: Hegseth maintains BAC of .1776 at all times
"Being perpetually blitzed isn’t medically advisable,” said a Navy doctor. “But behaviorally? It tracks.”
4 min read
paid
Cash-strapped Pentagon downgrades to military service with ads
After each crossing at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, sentinels now scream “AFLAC!”
3 min read
members
Top 10 things SECDEF is spending money on while you’re not getting paid
It's nice to know he's having the time of his life.
5 min read
paid
Soldiers react positively to flavored vape pits
Troops say fruity clouds beat the smell of burning tires.
2 min read
Trump announces CIA op in Venezuela will go off without a hitch next week
President promises ‘best, most secret invasion ever — everybody knows it’
3 min read
Secretary is a lady job, says newly-minted CEO of War
Hegseth expected to ring Pentagon bell at close of every operation.
3 min read
members
Anonymous donor gives Pentagon 130 million cans of Skoal Wintergreen to pay troops
Donation will “tide everyone over” until someone finds seven billion more cans
3 min read
members
HGTV debuts 'Gardening with the Guard' series
Highlights new Army values of Loyalty, Duty, Selfless Service, and Landscaping
4 min read
paid
Hegseth pays troops with government travel card
Technically, the manual offers no guidance on paying an entire Army with a Visa.
3 min read
paid
Tracker S3A updates tracker that tracks tracker updates
Battalion leadership confident spreadsheet power will deter China.
3 min read
paid
Fortnite adds Tim Kennedy 'Rucksack of Grenades' skin
Players can unlock the skin by completing a side quest that involves lobbing at least 25 grenades at non-combatants.
3 min read
members
Mass shooting at Army base cancelled over government shutdown
Terror plots deemed ‘nonessential’ until Congress passes continuing resolution.
4 min read
Top 10 things you can’t buy because you're not getting paid
Congress assures troops that poverty builds character.
4 min read
members
Handwritten ‘No Girls Aloud’ sign spotted outside Joint Chiefs’ treehouse
Sources confirm women still permitted in actual Pentagon, for now
3 min read
Hegseth sets record for largest military D&D campaign ever
Hundreds of generals trapped at Quantico after DTS crash forced to role-play their way out.
4 min read
paid
Naval Academy adds 'See Spot Run' to reading list
Officials say advanced students may graduate to Green Eggs and Ham
3 min read
General officer summit extended for K-Pop Demon Hunter singalong
Generals relieved it wasn’t a firing squad or Eyes Wide Shut reenactment
4 min read
members
Leaked agenda outlines schedule for generals’ meeting at Quantico
Generals brace for height/weight checks, essay contests, and trial by combat
4 min read
members
Master strategist Pete Hegseth to gather all U.S. military leaders in same place at same time
Defense secretary insists meeting is secure because it’s on Google Calendar as “Private”
4 min read
members