Army command & General Staff College grads celebrate perfect record of losing wars

FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kansas — The Commandant of the Army's Command and General Staff College last week celebrated the school's 72-year record of losing wars,

Army gets approval to change names of bases that honor Confederates to Fort Trump

WASHINGTON — The U.S. Army has received approval from the president to rename nearly a dozen bases after many petitioned the service to change the names of posts

Army planners solve Korea tensions with proposal to move Seoul 300 miles south

SEOUL — American military planners in South Korea have developed a solution to avoid civilian casualties in the event of a war with North Korea, sources confirmed today. "

Army needs more young, fit, tender soldiers, zombie general says

THE PENTAGON — Maj. Gen. Grigori Tepes, the Army’s first openly zombie general, has focused his command on one thing: more soldiers to fight and win America’s

Army to bring back WWII-era uniforms in lieu of WWII-era victory

THE PENTAGON — The Army has announced plans to bring back WWII-era uniforms in lieu of WWII-era victory, Duffel Blog has learned. The decision would improve morale

Army to give politicians adequate time to exploit fallen soldiers during casualty notification process

Army to rename slave cables to freedom cables

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The US Army will rename the cables used for most wheeled and tracked vehicle platforms to jumpstart dead batteries from slave cables to freedom

Army to re-design soldiers' uniforms on annual basis

PENTAGON — After weighing overwhelming feedback from active-duty soldiers opposed to costly uniform changes, the US Army has decided to redesign its current uniform on an annual basis,

Soldier shocked after learning what's in Constitution he swore to defend

COLUMBUS, Ga. �� After reading a copy of the Constitution left in the day room while on CQ, Pvt. Austin Morris was shocked by his recent decision to support

New Army plan to print more PowerPoint slides would boost economies of at least 4 nations

PENTAGON — A new US Army plan to double the amount of PowerPoint slides printed this fiscal year could positively impact the GDPs of four countries, sources confirmed today.

Army radiologist awarded for spotting softball-size tumor

TACOMA, Wash. — Maj. John Wriggins, an Army Radiologist at Madigan Hospital, will receive the Meritorious Service Medal next week for outstanding achievement after he successfully spotted a cancerous

Army officer still married to first spouse gets passed over for promotion

FORT HOOD, Texas – It's always a joyous occasion when Army majors pin on their next rank of lieutenant colonel, but absent from the celebration this week

Army tape test 'incredibly accurate,' says toad-necked sergeant major

FORT GORDON, Ga. — The Army has toiled for years to create a new body composition program that reflects soldiers' modern physical requirements, though a common complaint is

Army tells Marine Corps Mattis isn't real

WASHINGTON — In a heartbreaking turn of events, the Marine Corps burst into tears yesterday when Army broke the news that Gen. James Mattis is just a story created

Meet the Union Army private who bought a mustang at 46% interest

The following is an article by author BeardsOverFredericksburg from the January 1865 issue of Duffel Blog's Civil War-era predecessor, The Knapsack Gazette. TROY, N.Y.

Army’s new 'holistic medics' treat gunshot wounds with crystals, essential oils

FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — In an effort to match the broad range of medical treatments available to the civilian population, the U.S. Army has introduced a new

Army to replace 85% of personnel with Velociraptors by 2025

WASHINGTON — The Army says it will replace 85 percent of its personnel with velociraptors by the year 2025, according to a policy memo released this week. According to

University of Phoenix takes over management of Army's command and General Staff College

FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. – Cheers erupted across the auditorium as senior military officers attended their orientation for the first Command and General Staff College to be run by University

'I would be Vegeta in dragon ball z,' claims Army intelligence analyst

CAMP CASEY, Korea — An intelligence analyst tasked with looking into the capabilities of the North Korean military believes he's a perfect fit as the Vegeta character

INSPIRING! When this man couldn't join the Army, he started his own Army!

MONTANA — Wow! Somewhere in the woods of Montana, General Field Commander Ted Haskins is showing the world that with enough hard work and dedication, you can live your

Spirit Airlines forces Army veteran to flush service dog down the toilet

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Spirit Airlines is once again in hot water after an Army veteran alleged that flight attendants recently forced him to flush his service dog down

Army standardizes 'thinking outside the box' procedures

ARLINGTON, Va. — In an attempt to encourage critical thinking among its ranks, the U.S. Army announced it has standardized all procedures for thinking outside the box, sources