This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Section archive
Marine Corps
Marines: solving every problem with either a knife hand or C4.
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Lance Cpl. Extends 248th Birthday Ball TikTok invite to Rep. Lauren Boebert
Lance Cpl. Handslip: "I got this on lock, son!"
Jul 31, 2023 · 2 min read
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177 stories in this section
Marine Corps rolls out Portapotty 2030
Bold plan overcomes strategic constipation
May 8, 2023 · 4 min read
Breakthrough in Marine Corps technology now allows for shorts so short they reside inside the wearer’s butthole
Schmedium no longer enough
Apr 7, 2023 · 3 min read
USMC 'Training and Education 2030' calls for 70% Marine literacy within decade
Out: Coloring books and crayons. In: Comic books and Letters to Penthouse
Apr 7, 2023 · 3 min read
Donald Trump forced to move to barracks following NJP
"Only I can survive the ninja punch," says former reality star
Apr 6, 2023 · 3 min read
Marine Corps to start using computers
This would be a major shift.
Mar 28, 2023 · 2 min read
Court takes everything from guy with 'Molon Labe' tattoo
"They came and they took it all"
Mar 28, 2023 · 2 min read
The six guys who hit on your wife at every Marine Corps Birthday Ball
We’ve all heard the saying “Trust a Marine with your life, not your wife.” Those words ring truest on November 10, when Marines gather to celebrate their
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readMarine Corps introduces maternity body armor
QUANTICO, Va. – After year of extensive testing, the Marine Corps announced it would begin issuing maternity body armor to expectant mothers and corpulent colonels by fiscal year 2021.
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readSgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps says he can quit getting haircuts whenever he wants
THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black screamed at the press today during a conference, saying, “I can quit getting haircuts whenever I want!
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readMarine Corps excited not to be first to infect everyone this time
PENTAGON — As the Joint Chiefs of Staff (JCS) settle in for a two-week quarantine following Coast Guard Vice Commandant Charles W. Ray’s positive coronavirus test, Marine
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readCelebrities devastated by lack of invitations to Marine Corps balls
QUANTICO, Va. — Celebrities everywhere are devastated by cancellations of this year's Marine Corps balls due to Covid-19, sources report. “Every year I hope some teenager
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
New 6-foot Marine Corps bayonet protects against COVID-19
WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps has begun issuing a new socially distanced bayonet that is six feet in length, Brigadier General Spanky Sicklecell announced yesterday. “Stabbing the enemy at
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readMarine Lance Corporal tries to attack Japan after watching ‘Pearl Harbor’ movie
KANEOHE BAY, HI - A Marine stationed aboard Marine Corps Base Hawaii recently went on a personal mission to attack Japan. Lance Corporal James Vanhue, of 1st Battalion, 3rd
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readPanetta: Defense cuts will be ‘especially tough’ on Marine Corps
OCEANSIDE, CA - Defense Secretary Leon Panetta said Thursday night that the Marine Corps would be "deeply affected" by the coming cuts in the defense budget. Speaking
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Marine scout sniper 'burning cross' logo raises controversy
CAMP PENDLETON, CA – The Marine Corps' Scout Sniper community has once again found itself embroiled in controversy this week, following the recent unveiling of a new unit
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
Son proudly follows in father's, grandfather's footsteps in faking military service
CLEVELAND, Ohio – John Jakeman always knew he wanted to be a fake veteran, ever since he grew up following his father Sullivan "Sully" Jakeman around to
Oct 5, 2022 · 3 min readTerminal Lance creator revealed to be Sergeant Major of Marine Corps
CAMP LEJEUNE, NC – Enlisted Marines everywhere were stunned this week after learning that the creator of enlisted-life comic strip Terminal Lance is actually former Sgt. Maj. of
Oct 5, 2022 · 3 min read
USS Haditha accidentally sinks fishing boat, machine-guns survivors
MANAMA, Bahrain — In a rare setback for the international anti-piracy campaign off Somalia, U.S. Navy officials today admitted that the American warship USS Haditha accidentally sank
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readPETA: Marine Corps terminology, ‘leatherneck’ term promotes animal abuse
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A peaceful protest outside the main gate of Camp Pendleton has erupted into violence today as Marines and activists continue to spar over military terminology.
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readChaos: General James Mattis announced as next commandant of Marine Corps
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a controversial move sure to send shockwaves throughout the Corps, President Obama announced today that Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Jim Amos will
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readReport: Base Corporal always in PT gear
CAMP PENDLETON, CA - From morning to evening colors, Base Supply Corporal Michael Jennings' attire is always green shorts, Nikes and a green skivvy shirt, sources reported Friday.
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readFollowing cultural awareness class, Marines burn down own embassy
KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA –The anti-American protests spreading throughout the Islamic world over an anti-Muslim film took a startling turn today when the Marine Security Detachment at
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
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