CENTCOM Commander ‘Mad Dog’ General James Mattis Set To Retire Dark Laughter April 27, 2012 Marine Corps 59 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: TAMPA, FL – Today the United States Central Command (CENTCOM) announced the resignation of its top commander, General James N. Mattis, who plans to retire from the Marine Corps in a matter of months. Mattis is best known for commanding the 1st Marine Division during the opening phases of Operation Iraqi Freedom, but has also been criticized by the media for his outspoken opinions and controversial quotes. Some believe this to be the reason he was passed over for promotion to Commandant of the Marine Corps in 2010. General Mattis, 62, is circumspect about his upcoming retirement. “I postponed my retirement to lead CENTCOM, but it’s just time to move on. Years ago I was called to serve my country by means of conferences and briefings, but I feel like, after forty years of that, I’ve done my duty.” Mattis, pausing in a dead hang to speak with reporters during a set of weighted pull-ups, continued, “Now it’s time to admit that two hour update meetings are a young man’s game, hang it up, and live out my next sixty years as a private citizen back on the world’s battlefields, away from the constant stress of the office, like Al Gray would do.” Mattis then effortlessly raised his chin above the bar, in spite of the thirty-five pound plate hanging from his dip belt. The decades on the job have taken their toll on the General, a fact immediately apparent as he shuffles into the first of his day’s many meetings and briefings. “What have we got today?” Mattis wearily asks his young aide. “Sir, we have Professor Eugene Shirley Blankenship here from the Geopolitical Military Policy Institute to discuss the historical role of local markets and bazaars as tracers in establishing metrics for the effectiveness of counterinsurgency strategies. He’s prepared a hundred slide PowerPoint brief for you.” A nearby rotund man in a tweed jacket then extended a pudgy hand toward Mattis. A look of revulsion immediately spread across the General’s face, after which he sprang upon the wide-eyed sociology professor, hurling him against a wall and holding him there with his forearm pressed tightly against the visiting PhD’s throat. Mattis was in the process of drawing his pistol when he was restrained by CENTCOM deputy commander Vice Admiral Robert Harward, Command Sergeant Major Frank Grippe, and his own aide. After several other staff officers assisted in subduing the aging General, his brow gradually unfurrowed, and he apologized to all present. “Guess I’m just getting old,” Mattis explained. As he sits in his office hours later, Mattis reflects on how the years have passed by. “When you’re young, it’s nothing to sit through even a four hour meeting. You think ‘oh, I’m only thirty, I’ve got plenty of time left to spend killing the enemy’, or ‘it’s okay, this asshole wasting my time will get shit-canned if I just outlast him, and then I can get back into the field.’ But the hours turn into days, the days turn into weeks, then one day you look up and you’re sixty, still sitting in these goddamn meetings.” Mattis speaks softly as he slowly grinds one of his knives across a whetstone. “Eventually, you just have to accept that you’ve reached the limits of what you can do where you are, and it’s time to move on to the next obstacle.” The upcoming generation of Marine Corps leadership has expressed eagerness to take up the slack left by Mattis’ departure. “We owe a debt to these old Marines,” says Lieutenant Colonel Skip ‘Waggles’ Wagner, the incoming commander of a Marine fighter attack squadron and recent graduate of the Marine Corps Command and Staff College, “but the fact of the matter is that they’re just not suited to the technological nature of product-driven warfare and modern counterinsurgency.” General Mattis, who utilizes the radio callsign “Chaos”, has repeatedly denied that he has failed to adapt to new technologies, and remains the only living Marine to have killed enemy combatants with non-weapon programs of record, having slit the throat of a former member of the Fedayeen with a large fragment of a broken FEDLOG supply data CD, garroted a Fallujah insurgent with a length of CAT-5 cable being transported to an infantry battalion’s communications section, and exsanguinated a foreign fighter from Iran by making a “bone deep” cut down the length of his arm with a laminated cultural smart card bent to form a razor sharp edge. After running 10 miles with an 80-pound rucksack, General Mattis sits down and takes a break Mattis admits that the third does not technically indicate a use of technological systems, but notes that he originally attempted to kill the man with a “Phrase-alator” translation device, which shattered after being used to stun the man with a series of softening blows. A planned attempt to crush the skull of a fourth with a “Command Post of the Future” computer was stopped when the general was halted by a civilian field service representative as he attempted to carry it out of a forward Combat Operations Center. Regarding his plans for retirement, Mattis says he hopes to make more time for his neglected hobbies, which he describes as the study of history and the systematic hunting and killing of enemies “with my own two hands.” “I’ve got a pretty good area picked out in the [Autonomous Tribal Area] on the border of Pakistan,” said Mattis. “I figure it should take a single well-trained squad of fine young men about a month to have the warlords under their thumbs, you know, as long as they don’t have a bunch of policies restraining them from befriending the people or killing the enemy. I intend to form and lead that squad.” “Like Al Gray would do,” Mattis repeats, staring gravely out his office window at the setting sun. While somewhat expected, the timing of Mattis’ retirement came as a surprise to some, including a few of his colleagues, including General John R. Allen, former CENTCOM deputy and current commander of United States Forces – Afghanistan (USFOR-A). “Jim’s retiring?” asked Allen, seconds before being cornered by several high-ranking members of the International Security Assistance Force to discuss problems with a Memorandum of Understanding for the joint use of a British civilian curry trailer by Marine aviation personnel at Camp Bastion, immediately followed by a three hour discussion of whether an upcoming joint operation would be best described as mentoring, partnering with, or supporting the Afghan National Security Forces. “Lucky bastard,” Allen added. Don't miss the next story.Get the latest news and alerts from Duffel Blog delivered to your inbox—free. Short URL: http://duffelblog.com/bOb91 William Ben says: November 11, 2014 at 12:28 AM That is right funny shit Nicole Sands says: September 19, 2014 at 5:59 PM “large fragment of a broken FEDLOG supply data CD” OMG I’m dead HAHAHAHA. Matt Jones says: May 15, 2014 at 11:55 PM That is some funny shit right there Frank Gomez says: April 3, 2014 at 3:54 PM There goes the rest of the Corps. Let Amos fuck it up some more. Rachel Elisabeth Hina says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Ge. James N Mattis is my hero. You’re always in my dreams. CJ Lamb says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM I wish Barbara Boxer had tried to tell Gen. Mattis to call her Senator because she’d “earned it.” That’d be good television. America 4R Marines says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Wow what a shock- But God Knows General Mattis has done one hellova job and is one hellova Marine and he deserves a break! This General is a Marines General! He speaks what he thinks and doesn’t care who likes it or doesant like it! He does what he knows is right! General James Mattis will be VERY missed and its truely ashame that future Marines wont ever know what it is like working with such a Marine! I think Mattis will go down in history like Chesty and Smedley! Semper Fidelis! Patty Sandro Q Ola says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Hardcore!!! Robert Gros says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM This was one of the best General the corp ever had. He was part of the old corp and knew how to get marines to do their jobs well. Danny Bluegrass Man Morton says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Sounds alot like Al Gray. Chris Watson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM You guys got me into trouble at work! ROFL! Chris Fleisher says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM “This asshole wasting my time will get shit-canned if I just outlast him, and then I can get back into the field.” Another spit-take, guys. Love this. Keep it up! Ken Soto Sr Usmc says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Had the Honor of serving with Him twice in my Career. SEMPER FI GEN Mattis Rich L Enskat says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Happy Retirement to General Mattis, the Marine Corps is losing one of it’s best. Paula Lang says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Absolutely, one of the greatest men I have ever had the priviledge of serving with. I would follow him anywhere, anytime. Aj Chapman says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Sure hope he is reincarnated into another commander! Hell my son is named after him! Chris Moose Ebert says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM I served with General Mattis in Afghanistan. One of the Marines Corps officers I respected the most. No nonsense, straight talking Devil Dog! Semper Fi general! HMCS(FMF/SW) Retired. Annmarie Mckenzie says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM This country is now screwed! Bazooka Joe says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM “IKIS” – I don’t understand why the hell we don’t hear about this stuff on the news! I also don’t get how a waterlogged Admiral and nasty civilian would have been able to restrain the ‘Mad Dog!’ DAMMIT! Toby Callaway says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM The most bad ass General of my generation, and a legend for future generations. Dean Akkerman says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM The guys an asshole, he starting to believe his own hype. The reporter and several high ranking officials witnessed him attack a civilian without provication and nothing was done? Seriously, you want that to lead thousands of men and women… not on my watch. thank you for your service, thank you for retitring, seek mental help before you really lose it general. Joseph Flynn says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM The man. Austin La Turno says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Wagner loves cock. Ramen Spears says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM …true story. Peter Kirk says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM I would love to see him an Gen. Patton drinking at a bar together! God Almighty,,, katie,, bar the door! Tom James says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM “I’ve got a pretty good area picked out in the [Autonomous Tribal Area] on the border of Pakistan,” said Mattis. “I figure it should take a single well-trained squad of fine young men about a month to have the warlords under their thumbs, you know, as long as they don’t have a bunchfof policies restraining them from befriending the people or killing the enemy.” hell that part of the world is up for grabs and full of resouces Im ready to follow a real leader. Garrett Kerschner says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Well…shit. Steven Rodriguez says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM General Mattis… A personal hero of mine, I would follow him anyday and anywhere. What an honor to have served during his time. Robert Harper says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Damn, the Corps is really going down the tubes……. Steven Vincent Miller says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Ain’t nobody makin no Jokes about Mad Dog! Tyler Hoffacker says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Gen. Mattis picked up where Chesty Puller left off, and may have done it better than Chesty! Semper Fi Gen. Mattis, Let me know when you are going to put that squad together I will follow you to hell! Richard Dickson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Amos the Aviator needs to go bye-bye. And before he goes, he needs to reimburse us the $5 million of taxpayer dollars he spent remodeling his house. Carl Crumbacker Sr says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Come and see me Mad Dog! Jordan Curtis Parker says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM hahaha Love it… Generel “Mad Dog” Mattis for President I say! Buford Doyle says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Having served with Gen Mattis I will say this; every Marine I know, myself included, would follow him to hell armed only with snowballs knowing we would win and he would bring us back victorious. The current administration and their lackies can’t claim that kind of loyalty, can’t claim that kind of morale, sense of mission, loyalty to God, Country, Corps, and definately can’t lead let alone spell leadership. I was lucky to have served with the General. All he needs to do is ask and I’ll have his 6 again, anytime, anyplace. The posts here must really burn obama and his lackies. Tim Burkart says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM “double knife hands Mattis” http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/5061c6546bb3f7f04f00000d-900/as-a-4-star-you-answer-some-questions-and-make-knife-hand-gestures-to-convey-the-seriousness-with-which-youre-responding.jpg. Jack Powell says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM General Mattis is a man of legend. He will live on as one of the greats up there with Chesty Puller, Dan Daly, and John Basilone. He came and spoke to my battalion when I was in and he is awesome. Taff Hughes says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM ‘Mattis says he hopes to make more time for his neglected hobbies, which he describes as the study of history and the systematic hunting and killing of enemies “with my own two hands.”’. Johnny Morris says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Thank you General for you service. You Sir, are one of the few who by today’s standards make us proud. John M Cogswell Jr says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM I didn’t serve with Mattis, but under Big Al Gray. If you’re comparing anyone to Al Gray, then my hat’s off to them. Jack Carmody says: December 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM Thank you General for serving our country….You think maybe you could punch the shit of the Muslim and his idiot VP before you leave? CATHERINE PERRY says: September 30, 2012 at 4:53 PM I received a request from someone named General JAMES Mattis,wanting a relationship with me.He said he was a widower and wanted love and friendship.He also said he wanted a mother for his three children. I hope they find out who is doing this. CATHERINE PERRY says: September 29, 2012 at 9:21 PM GENERAL MATTIS, Charles J Carter says: September 16, 2012 at 5:54 AM Was in the Corps from 55-61, bad timing, stricktly peacetime, no action other then a dissappointing boat tide to the Med in 58. Maybe Gen Mathis will make provisions for 75 YOA to go active again. Can’t run very good, eyesight is still OK, can still shoot good, have gained a shitload of common sense, wisdom and knowledge and some KGS. Still have that proper attitude in disposing of enemy. I was born in the wrong era! ReADY TO GO………….GOOD LUCK GENERAL MATHIS. YOU WILL BE A GREAT LEADER IN THE SHADOW OF CHESTY AND MORE RECENTLY GEN. AL GRAY! The Corps needs a man with your attitude! Best wishes to you what ever you decide. Semper Fi Ohhrahh! Charles J Carter Sgt., 2/5 1st MarDiv SGT N says: August 31, 2012 at 12:18 PM What in the mother fuck did I just read in the comments? My fucking head hurts. Geetwillickers says: September 28, 2012 at 11:02 PM SGT N – I feel your pain. Got any Motrin? Surya Wiyono says: July 24, 2012 at 8:39 PM I’m from Indonesian Yesterday evening at my time, someone name James N. Mattis request me to add him on my skype At first i dunno.. who is he… i just currious : Is it true ? This below is my conversation with him am gen james n mattis,you are invietd for chat [24/07/2012 17:03:05] Surya Wiyono: Surya Wiyono telah berbagi detail kontak dengan GEN JAMES N MATTIS. [24/07/2012 17:08:26] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: hello [24/07/2012 17:19:08] Surya Wiyono: hi… how r u…? [24/07/2012 17:20:39] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: am fine [24/07/2012 17:20:46] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: and you [24/07/2012 17:21:22] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: am gen james N mattis from us,but now i`m in a iarq from peace keeping mission [24/07/2012 17:21:37] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: and you? [24/07/2012 17:22:49] Surya Wiyono: am just ordinary people just keeping my mom, my wife and my daughter… [24/07/2012 17:23:12] Surya Wiyono: nice to see u sir…. [24/07/2012 17:23:46] Surya Wiyono: whats time is it sir..? [24/07/2012 17:24:19] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: whare are you from,and what his your name [24/07/2012 17:25:05] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: you mean my time here or what? [24/07/2012 17:25:15] Surya Wiyono: yes ur local time sir… [24/07/2012 17:25:46] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: is 1.24pm [24/07/2012 17:26:02] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: and your time now [24/07/2012 17:26:28] Surya Wiyono: 17:30 [24/07/2012 17:26:47] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: okay [24/07/2012 17:27:10] Surya Wiyono: I’m Surya Wiyono from Indonesia… [24/07/2012 17:27:21] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: okay [24/07/2012 17:27:34] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: how old are you [24/07/2012 17:27:47] Surya Wiyono: about 46 and u..? [24/07/2012 17:28:06] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: I`M 58 [24/07/2012 17:28:26] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: are you married? [24/07/2012 17:28:40] Surya Wiyono: yes.. and have 1 daughter only… [24/07/2012 17:28:55] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: good [24/07/2012 17:29:15] Surya Wiyono: what is your position in military…? [24/07/2012 17:32:25] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: I`M 4 STAR gen [24/07/2012 17:33:22] Surya Wiyono: wow… :O [24/07/2012 17:33:44] Surya Wiyono: awesome… [24/07/2012 17:34:38] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: thank you [24/07/2012 17:35:00] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: what are you doing for a living [24/07/2012 17:36:41] Surya Wiyono: keeping store sir… [24/07/2012 17:37:53] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: keeping store in a company [24/07/2012 17:38:06] Surya Wiyono: yes sir… [24/07/2012 17:39:15] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: what does your company produce [24/07/2012 17:41:10] Surya Wiyono: just trading sir… [24/07/2012 17:41:47] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: okay [24/07/2012 17:42:18] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: are you the owen [24/07/2012 17:42:21] Surya Wiyono: u have nick name sir…? [24/07/2012 17:42:38] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: thx [24/07/2012 17:43:56] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: you mean that i have a nick name [24/07/2012 17:45:13] Surya Wiyono: yes ussually in military.. someone famous by his nickname [24/07/2012 17:52:05] GEN JAMES N MATTIS: no,do not have any nick name,everything of my friend call me by my name His nick name is Mad Dog also his english is bad Please comment this.. so i can be carefull with this. Maria Wierczyńska says: August 13, 2012 at 11:33 AM Welcome … I’m from Poland, live in Warsaw. I would like to leave a comment here for conversations on Skype, .. Surya Wiyono of the person presenting himself as Gen. James N. Mattis. I am also a user of Skype, I counted here by using the search engine about 200 profiles signed as James N. Mattis of different id.Skype, .. using the general, his quotes, etc … I’m pretty sure that all of these profiles are fake and I’m also pretty sure that the true General James Mattis did not refer in this way does not seek knowledge and contacts through Skype and other instant messaging … A person claiming to be the general is probably one of the scammers from Ghana, .. Nigeria, or Malaysia. Please be careful .. they consequently these Scammers trying to gain the trust they have only one goal … to extort money. Scammers you do not have any objections or taboos, … pics of people use the well-known generals, soldiers, even those fallen soldiers … and it’s sad. Really, please be vigilant … and one more thing, they never show his face here on the Skype web cam … Charlotte Bouley says: June 26, 2012 at 8:27 PM General Jim Mattis is one amazing General. He is a combination of brains,wisdom, and backbone with a huge knowledge of history. Thank you for your service to our country.