Airman Receives Award For Bravery After Stopping ‘Green-On-Blue’ Attack Maxx Butthurt September 29, 2012 Air Force 60 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: Afghan Soldier With AK-47 BAGRAM AIRFIELD, AFGHANISTAN — Tragedy was averted today at one of the largest US military bases in Afghanistan after an Airman successfully stopped a ‘green-on-blue’ attack. Following a trend of attacks on U.S. forces by their Afghan counterparts, an Afghan National Army (ANA) soldier was able to smuggle a weapon onto the sprawling base and opened fire on several Airmen standing in a smoking shack. Luckily for those present, the ANA soldier’s marksmanship skills were so poorly developed that he missed with all thirty rounds in his magazine, giving the rest of the Airmen a chance to run for cover and Technical Sergeant Ralph Johnson the chance of a lifetime. He was wearing his 9mm Beretta pistol in a custom-embroidered leather shoulder holster, commonly referred to as a “FOB Bra.” Typically regarded as the ultimate sign of a true FOB dweller — or someone who never leaves the perimeter of their base while deployed — there has not been a single documented case of a US military member actually engaging anyone with their weapon while wearing the scorned leather harness in almost 12 years of combat operations. Unfortunately for Johnson, his inexperience with weapons and the fact that he had not removed the pistol from the holster to clean it during the entire four months he’d been deployed eliminated his chances to make history. The rotund NCO attempted to draw his pistol, but the forward sight notch became stuck as he struggled to bring his weapon to bear. At the same time, the ANA soldier, Private Mohammed Gul Mohammed, growled in frustration while he attempted to reload his AK-47, incorrectly inserting the magazine over and over again despite the hours of drills forced upon him by his ISAF trainers. As the sirens of the sprawling airbase’s Quick Reaction Force began to wail, both men glared hatefully at each other, knowing they only had moments left to finish their deadly business. Finally, Johnson was able to remove his pistol and he smiled triumphantly as he pointed the weapon at his foe, a scant 10 meters away, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. Confusion clouded the NCO’s thickly mustached face until he realized that the safety was on. He quickly corrected the situation, shouting “prepare to get your virgins!” at the still struggling Mohammed. Misfortune struck the Air Force NCO again when he pulled the trigger and realized that a magazine had not been inserted into the pistol. A cold sweat broke out on the man’s face as he fumbled with the rusted buttons on his harness that hadn’t been opened since he first inserted the ammunition magazines almost four months prior. When Johnson finally removed and seated the magazine properly into the weapon he heard a deadly metallic click. Mohammed had also managed to successfully insert his own 30-round 7.62mm magazine into his AK-47. Both men raised their weapons simultaneously, and with malice blazing in their eyes, began firing. Rounds cracked off of the concrete blast barriers, thudded into wooden roof supports, and ricocheted off the asphalt road as distant bystanders dove for cover, but neither man was able to hit his opponent. Army Private Jared Taylor, a witness on the scene, gave his account of the gun battle. “So I hear all this shooting and I run around the corner towards the smoking area. These two guys are standing there screaming at each other from about twenty feet, blazing away. One was a skinny little Afghan dude who could barely hold his AK while he sprayed rounds all over the place. He couldn’t hit shit. The other guy was this fat-ass Air Force NCO who was trying to shoot his M-9 one handed while he covered his face with the other. I’m pretty sure his eyes were closed the whole time. I’ve never seen anything like it. I just stood there laughing until they ran out of ammo. That’s when I remembered to shoot the Afghan guy in the head with my M-4. He was so close I couldn’t miss.” For his actions that day, Tech Sgt. Johnson has been awarded the Air Force Commendation Medal. Michael Hasbun says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM HA HA HA HA HA HA! This is in my top ten =o) Good job guys =o). Thomas Moore says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM I got the Air Force Commendation Medal July, 1976. No! Don’t even bother asking me what I did to get it. Graham Carpenter says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM A pretty good satire on POGs and Green-Blue attacks. Randy Palermo says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM LMAO ——- Pierce Nolan says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Lmfao…classic Jerry Beingesser says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Johnson should have stayed in his chair. Daniel Barton says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM “knowing they only had moments left to finish their deadly business”…………..awesome as always lol. Matthew Maltby says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Also awarded was the AF Combat Action Medal and a Silver Star(hey, if bomb loaders at Whiteman got them for Provide Comfort then why cant a Finance TSgt at a FOB)? Paul Whitenack says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM hahahaha… I can believe it. Zdenko Buzz Muller says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Thank God for the Air Force! Josh Noble says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM With those two firing off like that and all the retarded profane shouting, it probably sounded like a scene from Call of Duty, without the ten-year-olds. Walter W. Gray says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM You cant make this $h! t up. LMAO Steven Sepulveda says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Buahhahahha I’m embarrassed to be in the Air Force because of people and stories like this! Robert DelNero says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Amazing… the TSGT should be ashamed of himself. He carries a weapon that doesn’t fire! Why carry a weapon at all. If you have a firearm… by all means, Make the time to be sure it is ready at all times to protect you. Make the time. Andrew Lopez says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM I’ve been reading all these articles on this website and I find some of these hard to believe. Taylor Crowe says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM TSgt Johnson must be Finance…damn noners. Erich Maria de Villiers says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Next time, TSgt Johnson, just throw your coffee on him. John Patrick Mullan says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Any body see the Sargent? Jake Laird says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM LOL! Something similar happened at another base. TCN truck driver hopped out of his vehicle at a gate and started spraying an AK. The AF gate guards ducked behind concrete barriers and started blind firing their M-9′s. They went through a few clips before they finally winged the driver. I’m pretty sure one of them got a Bronze Star. Beau Watkins says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Laughed myself silly when I read this. Troy R. Stull says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Ahahahaha! This is simply amazing! Of course I just singed the paper work to join the AF now that my Army contract is up so I look forward to promptly gaining 25 pounds and forgetting how to function check a M-4. Robert Wills says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Thickly mustached, rotund NCO. I know that dude! Kali Pinckney says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM lol.. That is some funny stuff. Eloy M Rodriguez says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Sounds about right… Ben Holtz says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Good God, I love these articles. I wish they’d make a series on Starz. David Cook says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM not an ak 47 AMD 64. Billy Ray Bourn says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM LMAO! This is HILARIOUS! Wouldn’t have been near as funny if the Afghan wasn’t the KIA, but still, funny as hell! Frank Kuwanoe says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Can’t decide which is funnier, the story, or the people who read it and thought it was real… Chad Underdonk says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM Obviously this green on blue attack was due to some unintended slight by TSGT Johnson. After all our ANA allies are very loyal and most of these attacks are based on misunderstandings and honor problems. Their honor is so highly developed they can in fact become offended before they’ve ever even seen their intended target! Scott Snoopy-Smith says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM the old saying of being lucky is better than being good played out here….Chad you must have had all two loyal ANA; all reports I have are theya re generally useless. David Dwayne Morris says: January 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM And Private Taylor was NJP’d for using live fire in the vicinity of an airman. III says: October 12, 2012 at 10:10 PM Reminds me of an old Barry Saddler song, “Garritrooper”. La-a says: October 9, 2012 at 9:48 AM fob bra that shit isto funny grenadier37 says: October 2, 2012 at 5:36 PM Must have been all the CBTs that set him off… SGT STSTutter says: October 1, 2012 at 11:54 AM Wow, the comments almost ruin the article and it was a great article. Let me take one stab at complete ruination. Forget the entire weapons technicality mess, according the Associated Press style manual, subsequent references to people should only use the last name unless only using the last name causes confusion. For example “Unfortunately for TSGT Johnson,” should read “Unfortunately for Johnson”. Also TSGT is not the correct abreviation according the the AP style manual it should be “Tech. Sgt.” That’s how you ruin a great article through comments. joeshmuckatelli says: October 1, 2012 at 11:34 AM That’s an AMD-65 in the pic, not an AK-47 Army Wife (P) says: October 1, 2012 at 1:29 AM This really happens by the way. Look at the people in front of you at Koehle, no magazines, dirty weapoons, give a shit attitude all over their faces. Everytime IDF comes in the Airforce is tearing across the base with tape measurers to see if they rate a “CAB”. Fuck this place. ex-Bubblehead says: October 1, 2012 at 11:32 PM Back on the Ustafish they wouldn’t let us load our weapons…because they knew that 50% of their watch-standers should never have been issued a working firearm to begin with. defensor fortissimo says: September 30, 2012 at 5:18 PM All of this talk about safeties is sidestepping the point. By this account he didn’t have a magazine in the weapon and had to put one in after the fact. It says nothing about him chambering a round in the first place. Mick says: October 1, 2012 at 12:28 AM You mean that it’s a satirical article and some AF pog was calling someone else a pog? Why would they really have to explain every little detail in a satirical article. Let me ask you this: did someone have to tell you to take your dick out of your pants everytime before you piss or did you figure it out on your own? DOC says: October 2, 2012 at 5:25 PM Don’t judge me. Jack says: September 30, 2012 at 7:43 AM Excellent article! Only miscue I saw was Beretta 92 has no manual safety for TSgt Johnson to “take off”. However, the USAF issued coffee cup was right on target! Used to refer to all LIFERs as “having a coffee cup clutch with a clipboard”! Most pogues loved to style like they were in combat mode though. Defensor Fortis Paul says: September 30, 2012 at 7:48 AM Umm… yes it does have a manual safety. http://www.cybershooters.org/dgca/images/92FS/safety.JPG Mick says: September 30, 2012 at 9:59 AM Defensor Fortis? Please tell me you’re not in AF security force and are 1) calling someone else a pog (pot this is kettle…) and 2) don’t know that a M9 has an ambidextrous safety. Let me guess you think you’re the infantry of the air force…. :-/ Steve says: September 30, 2012 at 12:39 PM Umm…Beretta M9 has a manual thumb safety, ambi too. Darrell B. says: September 30, 2012 at 12:53 PM Lol… wait, wut? You’re probably just assuming that since a warrior like you ripped the ambidextrous safety off of his pistol, no M9s have them. Honest mistake. Army Wife (P) says: October 1, 2012 at 1:31 AM Nice call on on the safety “Jack”. You sure showed those POG’s that you know your shit. LOL! General Specific says: October 1, 2012 at 9:58 AM You mean the ‘decocking lever’? It’s all a amtter of terminology. ex-Bubblehead says: October 1, 2012 at 11:28 PM I’ve got a Beretta 92FS and it has a manual safety….the only difference between it and an M9 is the markings. Marvin says: September 30, 2012 at 2:06 AM I thought about joining the Air Force but I wanted to be in the military. (Lex, I hope you understand, I had to swipe that line.) Rooster says: September 30, 2012 at 1:47 AM next time throw the gun at him. it’ll work better that way. radglock says: September 29, 2012 at 11:08 PM Golden!!! DocGay/James Gay says: September 29, 2012 at 7:22 PM DocGay-4months and he never pulled his pistol out to clean it.Dam he must have a good job in the stan to keep it clean.I say we should make use of the fly boy’s and load up their planes and DROP THE BIG ONE ON THE WHOLE COUNTRY.End of war,Troops come home.God Bless AMERICA.De Oppresso Liber The Loon says: September 29, 2012 at 6:15 PM This article clinches it….you’re the BEST! LOLOL P.S. Have a feeling “TSgt Johnson” will be a future U.S. Senator…..Dem, of course. Lt. Butero-Trinkejo says: September 29, 2012 at 11:23 AM Obviously somehow the AF personnel had personally insulted the poor Afghan Pvt resulting in his provoked attack. I do believe there will be an apology coming from the secretary of defense at any time. Spc. Smartass says: September 29, 2012 at 11:12 PM Obviously; and I think a full investigation needs to be made into why military personnel are insensitive. That Army private should be hauled in for UCMJ, due to his incredible insensitivity, and violating the “Not the face,” rule. Also, we need to create a 115 slide power point presentation on how we can prevent this from happening in the future. USMC-FO says: September 29, 2012 at 11:13 AM Borderline in really poor taste…..But a well written, and funny, piece about a really ‘shitty’ event that occurs all to often (Green on Blue) I chuckelled and winced at the same time. Our AF Tech Sgt is a fellow I’ve seen on many occassions….. Gomer says: September 29, 2012 at 10:19 AM What satire faggot, FOB bra wearers do this shit all the time. TopGoz says: September 29, 2012 at 9:22 AM All good satire must bear some plausibility; sadly, this piece is overflowing with it. Which makes it funny as all get out!