First Female Army Ranger Brags About Her Veiny, Seven-Inch Clitoris
FORT BENNING — The first woman in history to graduate from Army Ranger School, arguably the most grueling, toughest training in the U.S. military, and thus the world, has just pinned on her Ranger tab — and she is letting the world know how proud she is of her very large clitoris.
1st Lt. Penny O’Keefe, who was also one of the first females to pass the Army’s Infantry basic training course, told a group of reporters assembled to witness her historic graduation all about her genitalia.
“Glass ceilings and good-ole-boys beware,” O’Keefe said, smiling broadly. “You might be used to Rangers having big swinging dicks. But this Ranger,” she said, pointing to herself, “has a clitoris. A veiny, throbbing, seven-and-one-quarter inch clitoris.”
“Plus, it leaks a white fluid when she gets excited,” said her boyfriend, Navy SEAL Bleys Pasquale, running a hand through his exquisitely-gelled hair. “It’s hot,” he added, squeezing O’Keefe playfully.
This kind of talk may seem vulgar to some, but in the Rangers, which is the cream of the crop in the Special Operations community, it is considered commonplace to engage in rough talk. And O’Keefe can be forgiven for indulging in the practice — that bad-talking lieutenant just became an inspiration for millions of women around the world, putting to rest hundreds of years of sexist exclusion and inequality in the military.
Pasquale, her boyfriend, is more supportive than most men in the military would be.
“It doesn’t bother me that she has a hard-charging spec ops job,” he said, gesticulating effeminately and brushing lint off his teal capezios. “I love having a tough little hard-bodied butch girlfriend. It might make some guys feel inadequate, but I’m a SEAL and I wax every inch of my body, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem for me. We’ll probably have some great celebration sex tonight too."
"Only not too much. It makes my butthole hurt after awhile," he added.
Fellow Ranger School graduates had high praise for O’Keefe.
“I was really impressed with the way she performed in the SERE portion,” said Staff Sgt. Juan Gonzalez, an artilleryman from 3-319th Field Artillery. “She lasted longer than any of us, because when the instructors got close with their tracker dogs, Ranger O’Keefe covered herself in period blood to hide her scent. It threw the hounds off long enough for her to slip away and last out in the woods another 12 hours before they got her.”
O’Keefe received a phone call from President Obama the day before her graduation, congratulating her for blazing a trail in military equal opportunity and thanking her for setting such an important example. The White House tweeted its congratulations as well, in addition to its commitment to sending openly gay and transgendered soldiers to Ranger School in the future.
O’Keefe will report to her first Ranger assignment at Fort Stewart, Georgia, early next month and will likely lead a platoon of Rangers in combat in Afghanistan soon.