Pacific Fleet Claims Garbage Island As US Territory
Garbage Island is located in a convergence zone of the North Pacific Gyre. We're not sure what these lines mean, but they probably have something to do with Liberty.
THE PACIFIC OCEAN – Steaming through an estimated 700,000 square kilometers of filth, United States Navy warships laid territorial claim today to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch – a big strategic win for the Red, White, and Blue, according to U.S. government officials.
Emphasizing America’s profound cultural ties with garbage and refuse of all kinds, a Navy spokesperson aboard the destroyer USS Milius trumpeted the acquisition as an “emotional homecoming” for the billion-some plastic water bottle caps, knotted trash bags, and used tampon applicators that constitute the Texas-sized mass.
“What a joy to be finally reunited with these endless tokens of American excess,” the spokesperson told reporters. “Let freedom ring!”
Garbage Island marks the first addition to the United States’ list of territories since the Northern Mariana…
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