FORT POLK, La. — Spurred by the prospect of solid communal living, subsidized health care, and a guaranteed job, newly-graduated Pvt. Bronson Alcott extolled the virtues of the U.S. Army's socialist paradise, sources confirmed today.
"I can hardly wait to get started," gushed Alcott, as he boarded the bus for the airport from his graduation at Fort Polk, La. to begin his six-year commitment to the glorious revolution. "I have been committed to the cause since before I could walk."
Still, the Burlington, Vt. native confided to Duffel Blog that his parents were initially skeptical of his decision to enlist.
