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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

2002 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Congress repeals ban on nudists serving openly

Filed · 1539

JOINT BASE ELMENDORF-RICHARDSON, Alaska — Staff Sgt. David Cornell is taking full advantage of a new congressional bill which passed last week, officially ending the military’s ban on nudists serving openly in the ranks. The bill was passed with the full support of both parties and enthusiastically signed by President Obama, although a similar bill allowing transvestites and transgendered personnel to serve openly was stalled due to wording issues.

Cornell is one of thousands of formerly-closeted nudists in the ranks, who are now allowed to flaunt what God gave them while exercising their right to serve in the military. He spoke to reporters outside his company motor pool Friday.

“It’s really a victory for everyone, not just us naturists,” said Cornell, a wheeled vehicle mechanic and closure inspection section chief with the 725th Support Battalion. “As a bit of a history buff, I know how the American military has gradually improved its diversity and inclusiveness. We did it with racial and gender integration, we did it with ending Bill Clinton's ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, and now we’re doing it again. I’m glad that once again, the military can lead the way and show America that effectiveness and safety aren’t valid excuses for bigotry.”

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