WASHINGTON — Researchers at Harvard University recently released the findings of a comprehensive new study on PTSD confirming what many former service members already know: the distant sound of a helicopter is often immediately followed by the unsanctioned extraordinary rendition of a United States veteran.

According to study administrator and psychotherapist Dr. Michael Haverstock, respondents from every conflict since the Second World War were polled, and a number of variables were analyzed, including time in combat, military occupational specialty (MOS), and whether or not test subjects were whisked away in the dead of night by men in ski masks to a secret interrogation facility against their will.

"Veterans also reported a high rate of getting called back by their former commanders for clandestine missions in little-known or even fictitious third-world countries, also in a helicopter," said Haverstock from the University's new Center for PTSD. "And that is just what gets reported. We could be looking at a much larger problem with veterans returning from combat and getting thrust back into the same high-stakes, violent situations they left."