THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has announced that Africa Command (AFRICOM) is abandoning all activities in Djibouti, due to immaturity surrounding the East African country’s name, effective immediately.

Pentagon Spokesman Peter Cook expressed disgust with reporters over the matter.

“Look, I get it,” he said. “But just once can I discuss late-night back-door raids in Djibouti without one of you giggling like a Cadet at a leadership course? And last summer there was an emergency which required our operators to take a dirt road back home to their base.”

“Why do you jackals have to be so goddam insecure? Grow up, people.”