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Author: Yossarian

Yossarian will finally be able to return home from deployment when he writes enough articles, but the Duffel Blog editors keep increasing his quota whenever he comes close to fulfilling it.
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NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Following outrage over a viral video in which an Air National Guardsman reenlisted while wearing a dinosaur hand puppet, Tennessee National Guard Adjutant General Maj. Gen. Terry Haston announced punishments effectively ending the lengthy careers of three senior guardsman, sources confirmed today. The most senior officer, an unnamed colonel who administered the […]
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HOUSTON — As if the city of Houston hasn’t seen enough tragedy due to catastrophic flooding from Hurricane Harvey, things took a turn for the worse today after a U.S. Navy ship collided with a building in the downtown area. The ship was identified as an Arleigh Burke-class destroyer belonging to the Navy’s 7th Fleet. […]
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RAQQA, Syria — A massive scandal has rocked the self-proclaimed Islamic State after reports surfaced revealing that many of the group’s fighters have been sharing scandalous photos of Muslim females in a secret Facebook group. The Facebook group, called ‘ISIS United,’ boasts some 30,000 Islamic State fighters and sympathizers. At least one hundred members have used the group […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — With March designated as Brain Injury Awareness Month, the Veterans Administration held a press conference today to announce several health care initiatives aiming to increase awareness of something to do with veterans. “To be perfectly honest, I can’t remember what this press conference was supposed to be about,” said VA Secretary Robert A. […]

Lorax Shot In The Thorax

By
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On January 22, 2016

DAMASCUS, Syria— At the far end of Damascus where blood rivers run red and the streets are all filled with remains of the dead, once lived the Lorax. The Lorax was peaceful, performing his trade. Fr

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