Lorax Shot In The Thorax

DAMASCUS, Syria— At the far end of Damascus where blood rivers run red and the streets are all filled with remains of the dead, once lived the Lorax. The Lorax was peaceful, performing his trade. From truffula trees woven baskets he made.…

Army Reserve Raises Terror Threat Level To ‘Meh’

THE PENTAGON — The Army Reserve today elevated their terror threat level to "Meh," increasing it from level "*Yawn" for the first time in over two years. The increase in threat level puts Reservists on higher alert for potential attacks and…

The ISIS Holiday Shopping Guide

The holiday season is now in full swing, with only a few shopping days left until Christmas. Whether you are looking for that perfect gift or for a few last-minute stocking stuffers, the Islamic State has great gift ideas that are sure to…

Army To Offer Two-Mile Walmart Scooter Ride For APFT

FORT EUSTIS, Va. — The Army's Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) announced today plans to offer a two-mile Walmart scooter ride as an alternate event for the Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT). "We've been seeking to make the APFT more…