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PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — Just days after the Winter Olympics kicked off, the United States has unexpectedly replaced its entire Skating Team with Marine lance corporals, sources confirmed today. It'
YOUR HOMETOWN — An agent of the deep state working undercover with the NSA has expressed mixed feelings toward the conspiracy theories you post online. Marcus Wolfe — a signals intelligence analyst
CAMP CASEY, Korea — An intelligence analyst tasked with looking into the capabilities of the North Korean military believes he's a perfect fit as the Vegeta character in the
MONTANA — Wow! Somewhere in the woods of Montana, General Field Commander Ted Haskins is showing the world that with enough hard work and dedication, you can live your dreams no
My knowledge of the thing began on Thursday, the seventh of September, with the imprisonment of my cousin Isaac Derleth for crimes related to drunken micturition in the town square.
WASHINGTON — Service members everywhere face an important decision this year regarding their future retirement. In a surprising announcement, a newly added option is gaining traction over the recently implemented Blended
WASHINGTON — An independent study of military performance reports show service members save the DoD upwards of $900 trillion each year. The savings are equivalent to the GDP of the entire
The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about timely arrival for formation. The point will be presented by an Army sergeant first class with elevated blood pressure. The counterpoint will
OKINAWA, Japan — The commanding officer of 1st Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment recently told his Marines that he would keep his remarks short before giving an hour-long speech, sources confirmed
PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — The delegation of North Korean athletes taking part in the 2018 Winter Olympics have been spotted huddling near the Olympic flame to keep warm, sources confirmed today.
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Culinary Specialist 2nd Class Calvin Marshall was enjoying a quiet post-deployment dinner with his family when he became awash in pangs of crippling self-doubt, Duffel Blog
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — Were it not for the fact that he had a thing with his ankle, and he was super busy that other time, Lance Cpl. Steve Dietrich totally
PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA — Team North Korea has scored an early success in the 2018 Winter Olympics after winning the Gold Medal for crossing red lines, sources confirmed today. Crossing red
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Spirit Airlines is once again in hot water after an Army veteran alleged that flight attendants recently forced him to flush his service dog down the toilet
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Oh, dear God, no. Christ. The soldier who saved your life in Afghanistan in the spring of 2014 believes "crisis actors" are being used to impersonate
THE PENTAGON — Following the release of its new 'deploy or get out' policy, the Pentagon has now announced it will be closing down within the next 12 months
By Doug Abernathy
WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has made plans with his girlfriend to go out for dinner on Valentine's Day and kill everyone they meet, sources confirmed today. In
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump awarded himself the nation's highest award for bravery on Tuesday for hypothetically saving countless lives during a recent shooting at a South Florida high
CHICAGO — A military veteran received a sick burn this week after an airline refused to allow him to board a flight with his emotional support flamethrower, sources confirmed today. Marine
NAVAL STATION NORFOLK, Va. — After flying from a McDonalds parking lot over the fence of Naval Base Norfolk’s secure facility, a seagull is genuinely concerned that someone might notice
PACIFIC OCEAN — Boatswains Mate 3rd Class Jeremy Kane on Tuesday rescued the Coast Guard Cutter Waesche from dropping off the edge of the Earth about 200 miles off the coast
Soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines! Are you looking to get into a hot new fad/insane death cult? Are you interested in looking like you’re working out, but not
MARINE CORPS BASE HAWAII — A grossly overweight light duty commando from Combat Logistics Battalion-3 made his intentions known that he planned to ditch his beloved fast chow and light
Writing this letter has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in years. It’s been a long time coming, but everything that follows comes from
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