In a groundbreaking announcement today, the Marine Corps unveiled a revolutionary new piece of technology that promises to change the way Marines run, the way they fight, and the way they pose for calendars. The Marine Corps has developed shorts so short that they actually reside inside your butthole.
Developed in response to growing concerns about heat exhaustion, other heat-related injuries, and friction burns during training exercises, the Marine Corps Uniform Board says the new shorts are designed to provide unparalleled mobility and ventilation in hot and humid environments. "We've all been there," said Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps Troy Black, "you're on a field op in the middle of August, and your thighs are rubbing together so hard they could start a fire. These new shorts will solve that problem once and for all. They also look damn good worn with combat boots, rolled socks, and a sleeveless skivvie shirt!”
There are also a few initial reports from testing that the shorts also have the added benefit of making it easier for Marines to take care of business when nature calls.
"We view these new short shorts as both a safety measure to mitigate risk, and also as an opportunity to trim some fat from our budget," said Black. "By allowing our Marines to wear the absolute shortest shorts possible, we're able to maximize airflow and minimize the risk of heat-related injuries. Plus, they cost ten percent less, so we’re really saving the tax payers some cash."
